Drawn Uncontrollably To You
by Rosa17
Summary: A new man enters Abby's life and a new woman into Carter's, but there's a twist in the tale.
1. Default Chapter

AN: Hi it's me again with yet another Carby, I must get a life, sad huh. Thanks again to each and every one of you who R and R my last story. **Warning one or two spoilers for end of S10 and start of S11.**

Drawn Uncontrollably To You by Rosa17

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters etc..

Rating: PG 13 to be on the safe side

Summary: Starts Summer 04. A new man comes into Abby's life and a new woman into Carter's but there's a twist in the tale. 

Chapter 1

Summer 04

They walked along the beach in silence their bodies not touching; both lost in their own private world of thoughts. All around them was noise of happy families. She was wondering how best to tell him she was leaving. He was wondering how best to try and get her to stay, here, with him as the only thing, which had kept them together, was gone. It lay between them still, huge, a colossal ache which each of them had to deal with alone, not together as that would never be. He though was prepared to give it one last try. One last chance to hold onto something he had never really had at all.

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Abby approached her next patient, a boy of about ten who was accompanied by a slightly younger girl and a man, who looked distinctively like both children.

'Hi I'm Dr Lockhart, it says here you fell out a tree and fell awkwardly on your right leg?' Abby said to the boy as she looked at the chart and read that his name was Ethan Norris.

'Yeah Indie, pushed me' Ethan answered

'Did not' replied the girl

'Did too'

'Did...'

'Guys, guys, that's enough' the man finally said to the pair, then to Abby he said 'Sorry'

Abby smiled at him and then tried again. 'Okay Ethan, let me examine your leg okay'

Ethan nodded at Abby but scowled at the girl and Abby examined him he winced as she touched a tender part of his leg.

'Mom's gonna be real mad, when she gets back from her honeymoon with Charles' said the girl

'India be quiet' the man told her sternly, knowing that his daughter was right, his ex wife would blame him for this accident.

Abby looked up and smiled at the trio then said. 'Well you need to have an X-ray so we can see what's going on inside your leg' she wrote some notes on the chart 'When they're back I'll take a look and we'll go from there'. She gave Ethan a reassuring smile and moved onto her next patient.

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He held her close, he didn't want to lose her, if he did what would he have left? Nothing. She stayed in his arms, it was somehow comforting, but she was putting off the inevitable and she couldn't stay. She didn't even want to stay. When she had first agreed to come here to the States, she had planned to return to Africa as soon as she could and this, now was that time.

'John' she said 'I'm going back to the Congo'

'No don't' he answered still holding her tightly 'Don't go. I want you to marry me'

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'Well' said Abby breezily looking at the trio in front of her. 'There's good news and there's bad news'

'What's the bad news?' asked Ethan

'You've broken your leg, your tibia in fact, this bone here' and she indicated where the break was.

'The good news?' asked India

'It's a clean break and we can fix you right up. You'll have to walk around on crutches for a bit though'

'Cool' said Ethan 'I've always wanted to do that'

The man made a non-committal sound as Sam approached and said 'Your patient in one is crashing'

As Abby rushed off she said 'I'll be back'

'She's pretty don't you think Dad?' Ethan asked 'Hey Dad!' Ethan shook his father's arm to get his attention.

'Yeah' he replied 'She's pretty hot'

India and Ethan exchanged glances knowingly.

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She pulled away slightly from the embrace and looked him in the eye.

'John don't. Don't say something you don't really mean. This, us isn't working, maybe it never was. Maybe we rushed into everything because of..' she paused not able to finish the sentence but he knew what she meant anyway. 'We have to move on and I can't do that with you. I need to go home, to Africa. Where I can make a difference where I have already made a difference, where my work is, where my heart is, my life. I want to go back alone'

He bit his bottom lip and after staring at her for long minutes he looked out across the water.

'You don't want to marry me. We both know it's over' She pulled completely out of his arms. 'John?'

'You've already decided then' he said his voice flat, emotionless.

'Yes my flight leaves tomorrow'

He raised his eyebrows at her surprised that she was leaving so soon. Suddenly realising that she must have been planning this for a while.

She touched his arm and said ''I'm sorry John' as she walked away leaving him alone with his thoughts as he gazed seemingly at the water but in fact he saw nothing.

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Abby stood at the desk watching Ethan and his sister and father move towards the exit, she imagined that Ethan and India would soon be fighting over the crutches as she looked down and wrote some notes on the charts in front of her.

'Excuse me Dr Lockhart'

Abby looked up to see Ethan's father there. 'Is there a problem Mr Norris?' she asked

'Oh no, no he's fine, and the name's Ben. I wondered if you were free tonight?'

Abby looked at him puzzled 'What?' she asked

'For dinner'

'Oh' she said 'Well...ummm... I...er well'

'You're seeing someone?' he asked

'Err no, it's just umm...Not tonight, no I can't go to dinner with you'

'You know I don't give up when I meet someone I like'

'Well that's very flattering but the answer's still no'

'I don't give up' the man said as he headed out the door.

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He stood looking out of the window as she got in the cab, she had been adamant that he not accompany her to the airport and so they had already said goodbye. He walked around the house that he had hoped to make a home in, with Kem and their son. But now that was not going to be, he was alone and how he hated that, being alone.

He walked into the room that was going to be his son's room and sat on the floor looking up to the ceiling, he wrapped his arms around his drawn up legs and did what he should have done a long time ago, he cried. Letting out all the emotion that had been building up in him for days, months, maybe for even the past year or so.

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	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thank you for all your reviews I was amazed. To those who reviewed and were worried that it wasn't going to be a Carby, never fear. I am a dedicated Carby at heart and wouldn't write anything else, just a bit different at the moment, hopefully to make it interesting. Chapters may be a little short to start with and in a couple of weeks there will be a three week delay in my updates, but after that things should be normal.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 2

The alarm rang shrilly, he lifted his head and fumbled with his hand to turn off the incessant noise the red digits read 6:00am, he sighed, he only had three hours sleep, now he had a twelve hour shift. Slowly he rubbed his eyes and forced himself out of bed and into the shower, where the water revitalised him somewhat.

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'For Dr Lockhart' said Randi holding the basket of flowers.

'Not again' Abby told her

'What does the card say?' asked Chuny

'I don't want to know, it's the third lot this week'

'He must be keen, why don't you say yes and put the poor man out of his misery?'

'I don't know'

'It's not everyday a good looking guy asks you out and he is good looking'

'I haven't been out with anyone since...Well for a long time'

Behind her back Chuny mouthed to Randi 'Since Carter'

'What are you two saying?' Abby asked turning around.

'Nothing' Randi said.

Abby looked at them knowing otherwise and Chuny said 'We just said it was about time you dated again'

Abby sighed and thought maybe one date wouldn't hurt, he was good looking and smart.

'What does the card say then?' she asked taking it from the basket 'Dear Abby, will you go to dinner with me tonight? Ben'

'Well, will you?' asked Randi

'I haven't got his number'

'Here' said Randi thrusting a business card at Abby 'He asked me to hold on to this in case you changed your mind'

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'You look good' said Luka sarcastically to Carter

'Not sleeping. Everything's kind of weird. Kem's left, for good. You know I was supposed, it was supposed to be different. I thought I had a family and now it's gone'

'I'm sorry' Luka said sincerely knowing how he felt when his children died.

Carter and Luka shared a companionable look, Carter sighed and asked Luka 'Is it busy?'

'Yes' he replied

'I better get stuck in then'

'You should get some rest when it slows down' Luka told him

'If it slows down' Carter answered

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'Has anyone come down from the OR yet? I asked for a consult thirty minutes ago' asked Luka to Randi

'No. A new surgeon is supposed to be starting today'

'An attending?'

'Yes'

'I've heard she's pretty and blond' said Pratt coming up to write on the board.

'You would have heard that' said Abby

'I can't help it if word of a hot new babe comes my way'

Abby raised her eyebrows at him and shook her head before walking off.

'Have you heard about her?' Pratt asked Carter

'Who? What?' Carter answered, having been engrossed in what he was doing.

'There's a new female surgeon' 

'Oh. No. You've set your sights on her now then?' he asked Pratt

'Not especially, haven't met her yet'

'And not likely to right now, Dr Corday is heading this way' he told a disappointed looking Pratt.

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Abby stood in front of the mirror, it had been ages since she had gone on a date. A first date, with someone she hardly knew. Someone who knew nothing about her except that she was a doctor at County. She decided to look smart casual and was about to go and wait for him outside as for some reason unknown to her she didn't want him evading the private space of her apartment when the door bell rang. She knew it was him, Ben and he was early.

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Carter looked at the clock one hour to go then he was off. He felt exhausted but didn't think that would help much when he finally went to bed. Alone.

Suddenly a voice interrupted his thoughts 'Dr Carter?'

He looked up to see an attractive blond woman in blue scrubs before him and decided that this must be the new surgeon that Pratt had been talking about earlier.

She extended her hand but her vivid blue eyes remained somewhat distant as she introduced herself 'Fleur Buchannan, OR attending'

'John Carter' Carter answered

'I understand you have a patient that needs my attention' she said bluntly

'Right' he answered heading off with her in tow, and disinclined to make small talk as there was something about her which unnerved him and he didn't know what or why.

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'I had a good time' said Ben to Abby as they sat in his car outside her apartment

'It was.... I was apprehensive but it was good' she replied honestly

'Why? Do I look dangerous?'

'No but appearances can be deceptive'

'You're one very cagey woman. I told you all about myself, my kids, my ex-wife and her new husband'

'Except what you do'

'Oh I'm an architect'

'Anything particular?' she asked

'Oh nothing well known, houses mostly'

'Well that's different, I've never dated an architect before'

'And I've never dated a doctor'

She smiled and reached for the door handle 'It's late, I better get going. Thanks for dinner'

She anticipated his intention as he reached over to kiss her. She found it pleasant, the kiss she shared with Ben but it didn't leave her craving more like the kisses she had shared with Carter. 

He pulled away and then he asked 'Can I call you? For another date?'

'Maybe' was her reply as she exited his car and headed up the steps to her apartment, let herself in and was gone. He sat there thinking about her, she had mainly asked questions about him and his kids, she had not told him much at all about herself. Except about her work, which obviously meant a lot to her. Oh and that she had been married before and the other strange fact was that she didn't drink, not at all.

Abby shut the door of her apartment and looked out of the window where she could see him still sitting there in his car. She sighed and went to the bedroom and got ready for bed. He was cute she decided, maybe she could see him again, after all if she couldn't have the man she loved then she ought to find someone else. She couldn't wait around forever.

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Carter woke with a start and realised that he had fallen asleep at the dining room table. He pushed the half-eaten plate of food aside then stood up. His back ached from sleeping in such an uncomfortable manner. He climbed the stairs and flopped down on the bed expecting to lie there for ages trying to decipher shapes and patterns in the ceiling; but that never happened as he fell back to sleep almost instantly.

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Ben went back to his apartment pleased that he had found someone he liked and seemed to get on well with. She was the first person he had dated since his divorce that he really felt at ease with.

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Fleur knew that it was going to be a long night, how she had managed to wind up with a graveyard shift immediately was beyond her. It was quiet which surprised her she had imagined that every night would be manic in a county hospital, in a vibrant city like this. But it was quiet and when it was quiet she always seemed to reflect on her life. Today had been an important day in the life of Fleur Buchannan, not only had she started a new job she had met Dr John Carter, someone she had wanted to encounter, for a very long time. She had meant to be friendly but she felt that she hadn't been, would he think badly of her? As she thought about it she worried that she had made a bad first impression.

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	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thanks for your reviews again I was astounded at the amount WOW!!!. Also thanks to a couple of you who reviewed my old stories, I'm glad you found them and enjoyed reading. I apologise if some of you are not keen on the idea of Abby and Carter dating other people, but just trying to make the story different from last time. Hope you continue to read.

Drawn Uncontrollably to you

Chapter 3

'Want to hold her?' Susan asked Abby

'Sure' said Abby and Susan carefully handed over her precious day old daughter, Megan.

Abby held the infant close to her placing her index finger in the baby's palm for her to grab with the palmer reflex which newborn babies possessed.

'She's heavy' commented Abby

'Tell me about it, almost 9lb's of her, takes after her Dad I guess'

'And how's Chuck?' Abby asked

'Happy, besotted'

Abby for some reason unknown to her began to think of Carter and made a mental note to have a chat with him later to see how he was coping with everything.

'And you?' Abby said 'How it is with you and Chuck?'

'Okay actually, living together seems to be working. I don't want to get married again or anything, not right now anyway. How's Ben?'

Abby took her time to answer this question she had known Susan would ask. 'Okay'

'Abby' Susan said 

'What?'

'And tell me more'

'Oh, well we've been out twice'

'Second date rule?'

'I haven't put that into practice'

'Why not?' 

Abby shook her head 'Not sure, I just don't want to jump into bed with him right now. It's been a while'

'Mmmmm' replied Susan 'Carter didn't have trouble sleeping with someone else when you two split. So what's stopping you?'

Abby shook her head and said 'I think Megan needs a new diaper'

'Don't change the subject' Susan replied

'But I really think she does' Abby bent her head and sniffed looking back at Susan and wrinkling her nose.

'Okay but I'm not finished discussing this with you'

Suddenly Abby's pager went off 'Saved by the pager' she said with a grin while Susan looked at her with an expression with clearly told Abby that her friend would not let this subject drop.

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There was a soft knock on the door and Carter poked his head around the door.

'Busy?' he asked Susan

'No, fed up being cooped up in here, looking forward to going home'

She was rather surprised to see him actually she thought he would avoid her and the baby lat all costs. Having thought that he did seem reluctant to enter the room.

'I'm alone' Susan told him hoping he would come in and visit properly. 'Chuck and Megan have gone for a walk down the hall' she explained

'Oh' mouthed Carter entering the room and shutting the door behind him. 'Not inundated with visitors then?'

'Not really Abby came by earlier, trying to get information of out her is like getting blood out of a stone'

At this Carter gave a small understanding chuckle. 'What she been up to now?'

'Not much by the sound of it, but she's been dating a new guy'

'Really?' Carter replied raising his eyebrows at her and assuming that Chuck and the baby would soon return he added 'I better get going' he backed slowly towards the door and added almost as an afterthought 'Congratulations and all that'

Susan gave him a friendly smile and then he was gone.

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Abby was rushed off her feet, that was life she guessed when you were an intern. She seemed to have been landed with all the patients nobody else wanted. She was looking up from her immensely elderly patient who had completely no idea whom or where he was let alone who she was, when she spied Carter. Remembering her thoughts from earlier she took the initiative and went to briefly talk to him.

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Carter ran a hand over his face and turned from his patient and headed into the lounge where he poured a cup of tepid strong coffee, which didn't do much for him if he was honest with himself.

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Abby was at the desk when Jerry said 'Ben on line one'

'Okay' she said to Jerry then into the phone she said 'Ben, hi'

'Wondered if you want to go out tonight?' he asked the tone of his voice hopeful

'No sorry not tonight I have plans'

'That are more tempting that a date with me?'

'Yeah, I'm seeing a friend I haven't spoken to for a while, not properly anyhow'

'Is this your pregnant friend?'

'No my pregnant friend is now officially a mother'

'Does your friend have a name?'

'Checking up on me?'

'Just curious'

'Carter'

'That's not a girlfriend'

'No, no it's not'

As they hung up he felt a pang of jealously.

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Despite all that had happened between them they sat looking over the river in a companionable silence.

Carter finally broke the moment, his curiosity getting the better of him. 'Susan said you had a new boyfriend'

Abby nearly chocked on her coffee and sputtered. 'I'd hardly define Ben as my boyfriend'

'That's not what Susan implied'

'We've been out twice' she clarified 'And no before you ask I haven't slept with him, I'm not the ER slut everyone thinks I am'

Carter replied by shaking his head, secretly pleased for some reason that she hadn't yet slept with him but also slightly jealous of a guy he had never met and finally surprised that she would tell him something like that. Something that was none of his business anyway.

'You haven't heard the gossip then?' she asked

'Who have you supposedly slept with?'

'You and Luka'

'Really they're calling you slutty for that?'

'Yeah... well..' Abby decided to change the subject 'So anyway we didn't come here to talk about me'

'We didn't?'

'No, we came here to talk about you. Don't look at me like that'

'Like what?'

'With that fake look of surprise that we might actually talk about you'

He couldn't help but grin at her; she was the only one who had the ability to cheer him up when he felt really blue.

They resumed their silence both finding the river particularly interesting.

'How's it going?' she asked after a while

His shrug spoke volumes more than an answer would have done.

'Carter? Have you talked things over with anyone'

'Not really, Luka a bit'

He looked at her, she could see that his face was not only etched with tiredness, but a fatigue which seemed to have robbed his spirit, maybe his purpose for life.

'You should you know, talk to someone properly'

'I'll get over it, right?' he said his gaze still intent on her.

'I don't mean me. That didn't come out right of course you can talk to me but what I meant was..... what about seeing someone who.... A professional'

'A psychiatrist?'

'No, I was thinking more of a counsellor, a grief counsellor'

'Nice idea but I don't think so'

'Why not? It might help, surely it's worth a try'

'I'm not broken' he said echoing her words of a couple of years back

The look she gave him told him that she disagreed with his last statement and then she said 'And I'm not going to fix you, you have to want to fix yourself, it has to come from deep inside you, no matter how much I want to see the old John Carter I once knew...' She just stopped herself telling him 'and loved' or to be more accurate 'the John Carter despite all his problems I still love'. But she knew that that was not a good thing to say right now. This now was about John not John and Abby.

He sighed looking out at the water and then sneaking a look at her out of the corner of his eye. She was staring into her coffee, wisps of hair falling over her face and he had a sudden urge to tuck the tendrils behind her ears, but he thrust his hands into the pockets of his pants instead.

'Everything's different to what I had planned' he finally told her

'Life's has a way of doing that you know' she answered still focusing on the coffee.

'I've noticed' he said wryly. 'I don't know what to do any more, about anything' he added

She looked up at him and he read the concern there in her eyes as she saw the hurt and pain in his. After what seemed an eternity they both looked away at the same moment.

'When you're ready, you'll ask for help' she said

He ran his fingers through his hair 'Help. I think I'm ready now'

'Then do something about it, to work through this. I know you can get through this. If you need me I'll be here for you' she told him 'If you ever need me just call'

'Even if you're with Ben?'

'Yes'

They lapsed back into their pattern of silence each evaluating what the other had said, Abby wondering if she had pushed too far and Carter asking himself if he was ready to dig himself out of this hole he had fallen into.

She sighed and moved to stand up. 'I ought to get home for some sleep I'm on in eight hours for a 36 hour shift'

'I'll walk with you to the El' he said standing up and walking alongside her.

She turned when on the first step of stairs leading up to the platform and surprised him when she spontaneously drew him into a warm embrace. He couldn't help at wonder at the changes in her and his arms automatically snaked around her small frame and he pulled her close.

She saw the same expression in his eyes as he had had at the river. He on the other hand was completely unaware of the love for him shining in hers as they broke apart and she headed up the stairs alone, leaving him standing at the bottom staring after her.

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	4. Chapter 4

AN: Okay part four is up, Thanks if you reviewed chapter three.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 4

Frustrated with himself he threw back the covers and climbed out of bed. He wandered to the window where he pulled back the drapes slightly so that he could look out onto the dark empty street. Like his life really dark and empty. He turned a little so that he could see the digits on his alarm clock that read a little after two am. At least he had had a couple of hours sleep he mused to himself. Tonight though his problems and disappointments weren't the only things keeping him awake. He just could not get the image of Abigail Lockhart out of his mind, standing there on the bottom step of the El right before she hugged him.

Ten days had gone by since their talk by the river and still she was haunting his thoughts at night. By day he saw her constantly at work and he was unable to get her out of his mind then too. What was it about her? She had entered his life like a whirlwind several years ago and there she had stayed, not always in the foreground of his mind but there somewhere in his subconscious.

She had changed so much since he had first met her, got to know her properly, he guessed he was one of the lucky few who really knew her. He wondered if he too could change. Change and be more like the man he used to be. The man he still was underneath all the hurt, pain and grief he had bottled up in his soul.

Abby although he didn't want to admit it was right, he had to want to fix himself and he did. He couldn't go on like in this hopeless pit of despair. To make matters worse she had started seeing this architect Ben. She still denied that Ben was her boyfriend but Carter knew that Ben was. He just hoped that Ben Norris wouldn't break Abby's heart.

Feeling like he had finally made an important decision he crawled back into his rumpled bed. Making a mental decision to take heed of Abby's advice and get some much-required help. Slumber soon claimed him again and he didn't awaken until the shrill tone of his alarm clock filled the silence of the room.

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Abby slipped as quietly and as carefully as she could out of the bed she was sharing with Ben. She pulled on his dressing gown and stepped between the drapes, hiding herself. She stared out at the dark and empty street below her reflecting initially on the past few hours. She got on well with Ben and after dinner had wound up at his apartment and later his bed. It had been okay, sleeping with Ben, maybe she had expected too much. Maybe she had expected it to be like sleeping with Carter. Carter, even after all this time she still thought of him.

She wondered what he was doing right now. Her concern for him hadn't lessened. He looked like he badly needed a vacation yesterday at work, but she doubted that he would take one. He would prefer to work thinking that if he buried himself in his job, he would feel better, she just knew. She also knew that until he dealt with his grief and pain it would not go away in fact it would probably seem even bigger than it already was.

She stuck her head through the curtain and glanced at the clock. It was after two am. She ought to try and get some more sleep; she started work in four hours.

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The ringing of the alarm woke him the digits read 6:30, he turned over expecting her warm body to be beside him in the bed, but it was cold. Then he remembered that she had said something about her shift starting at six. He got out of bed and hoped that he could see Abby again tonight.

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Fleur woke exactly five minutes before her alarm went off. It didn't matter what time she started work she always woke exactly five minutes before the alarm. She had her morning routine planned to military precision even though she had never been in the armed forces in her life. Despite this her life was very regimental, probably something to with her childhood. Everyday was planned with the same methodical accurate approach whether she was working, exercising or grocery shopping.

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Today was momentous in the life of John Carter today he decided was the day he would begin the turn his life around. He went to the phone, took a deep breath and called and asked for help.

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The first time he had called Abby was late one night when she was alone. He seemed desperate, desolate and she although she had planned an early night as she was so tired she got ready and went to see John Carter. Sitting with him as he poured out his heart to her, about how he was feeling as he worked through his pain and sorrow of losing Kem, and the baby. She at times wondered what the hell she was doing being here with him. Other times her heart almost broke with the pain of hearing how much he missed and loved Kem and each time she visited him late at night she swore it was the last. She was sure it hadn't been like this when he had split up with her, but then they had never had and lost a child together, and Kem was probably everything that she Abigail Lockhart was not. Abby had to keep reminding herself that this was not about her, it was about John Carter and because she would do anything for him if he asked, she kept visiting him when he needed her. Somehow in this entire crazy situation their roles had appeared to reverse. And maybe in an attempt to hang on to her sanity she continued dating Ben.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Very short chapter, sorry guys. Thanks if you have reviewed. 

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 5

Two Months later

Carter stood in the ambulance bay and watched as Ben collected Abby from work. He seemed attentive and she was smiling at him so he supposed she was happy and then they shared a kiss. Carter felt a stab of jealously, to which he had no right really. He wondered if she had felt awkward when he had brought Kem back earlier this year, knowing that they had been totally engrossed with each other with public displays of affection. Then again Kem didn't know what Abby had meant to him, still meant to him. For some reason he never told her how it actually was with him and Abby. Kem and the baby seemed so long ago now but was in fact only a few short months since his life had blown up in his face.

He surprised himself suddenly realising that he had thought of Kem and his son without feeling any of the negative thoughts, which usually plagued his mind. Which he knew was a start in the right direction. He was sleeping better too, some nights he still suffered from insomnia but they were fewer and he was beginning to feel alive once more.

He had in the end gone to talk to someone who was professionally qualified in such matters and he discovered that he was slowly working through his pain and grief. Not only for his son but also for his grandmother and even believe it or not his brother, which he thought, was long dealt with.

Abby had been true to her word when she had told him he could call her anytime. At least three times he had called her when she had been with Ben and she had left him to see Carter. He still was amazed at how much she had changed in just over a year. How she was so much more positive in her outlook and he smiled to himself.

'What you smiling for?' Pratt asked joining him as they awaited the trauma patients, which were expected at any moment.

Carter smiled and answered 'Life' as the first ambulance pulled up and he moved to it and began barking instructions to the other staff gathered there.

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'So I was wondering if you would like to join us for dinner?' asked Pratt

'Us?' enquired Fleur

'Yeah well I persuaded Dr Carter and Sophie Birch from geriatrics and I thought you could make up the numbers'

'So it would be like a date?'

'Yeah'

'No'

'What d'ya mean no?' he answered stunned she had refused him

'I don't date'

Pratt studied her for a moment, lost for words, which was a rare occasion for him. The he added 'You don't date men is that it?'

'No I mean I don't date at all. If I did though I wouldn't date a fellow doctor'

'Oh so you would date me or Dr Carter if we had chosen different professions'

'No even if you both were not doctors. Firstly although I'm sure you are a very good guy you're not my type, secondly I would never date Dr Carter it's not right'

'What?' Pratt shook his head. Women were confusing at the best of times he concluded especially the one that went by the name of Fleur Buchannan, beautiful but confusing, go figure. Well he would try Gina Valetti on psych she never refused an offer of a date.

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The four of them sat at a table in a dimly lit restaurant, chatting about the only thing they all had in common, work. Carter out for the first time since his life had fallen apart in the summer was surprised that he actually was having a good time. He especially liked Sophie Birch who had joined County a year or so back, whilst he had been in Africa.

After the meal the quartet spilt up and Greg went home with Gina leaving Carter and Sophie standing on the sidewalk.

'You need a lift?' offered Carter

'No I have my car thanks anyway'

Taking the opportunity before she went off into the night he added 'Would you like to go out for dinner, say next week? Without Greg and Gina'

'Yeah' she smiled at him 'I'd like that'

As they stood there exchanging telephone numbers they were unaware of the traffic passing by. One car in particular had a very interested occupant. Who although was pleased that John Carter was beginning to live again, felt oddly bereft that he was out on what looked like a date.

'Abby' Ben called 'You okay you seem miles away?'

Abby turned her attention to Ben and replied 'Tired'. 

To prove to the point she shut her eyes and wondered why she felt despair tumble down from her heart to her stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Okay, sorry about the lack of Carby, hopefully this chapter is a little better in that respect.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 6

November 2004

'So want to invite your family down for Thanksgiving?' Ben asked Abby 'It's my turn to have the kids for the holiday and we'd love for your family to join us'

'I... well...I...um...I usually work Thanksgiving, but I could come by for dinner. I don't really think you want to meet my family though, it's complicated'

'That's okay I mean I'm used to stress and tension'

'That's not what I meant. It's very complicated' 

She suddenly wished she had told him more about her family before today. All he knew was that her parents had divorced when she was a child and that was only because she was trying to reassure Ethan and India. Who had had some issues regarding their parents divorce and their mother's recent marriage to their stepfather.

'So what's so complicated?' he asked 'Don't you get on?'

'No that's not it although they have their moments, more than most people actually'

She looked at him wondering how he would take it and how to tell him gently how it was.

'They're sick' she finally admitted

'Dying?'

'No, they're not that kind of sick'

'They?'

'My mother and brother'

'What's wrong with them?' He could for the life of him imagine what it was.

'They're bi polar' off his confused look she added 'Manic depressive'

'Both of them?' he asked surprised

'My Mother's been bi polar as long as I can remember, probably since she was a teenager. Eric, my brother was diagnosed, a couple of years back. He's still trying to get his life together'

'Oh' Ben didn't know what to say, so he added 'The offer still stands'

'Thank you but no'

They lapsed into silence, each thinking about what it meant to have a family like Abby's. For Ben it was unimaginable for Abby it was the only thing she had ever known. It was normal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

'I can't believe she's cutting teeth already' Abby said to Susan as they sat in a cafe at a shopping mall.

'Tell me about it, I wake up in the morning and feel just as tired as before I went to bed'

'She's so cute though' Abby said

'You would disagree at two, then three, then four o'clock in the morning'

'Doesn't Chuck help?'

'Sometimes, he's not much use when it comes to breastfeeding though'

Abby smiled at Susan who did look exhausted.

'Look if it'll help I'll take care of her one night. You can drop her off at my apartment and have a romantic evening with Chuck'

'All night?' Susan asked hopefully

'Sure, you owe me one though'

'Mmmm. How's things with you?'

'As in with Ben?'

'Uh huh'

'I'm still seeing him'

'That's all you're going to tell me' Susan replied, it wasn't a question but a statement.

'There's nothing to tell. I'm going over to his place for Thanksgiving, his kids will be there'

'If you're not happy you should tell him' Susan said

'I didn't say that'

'You didn't have to'

'Look it's okay it's just not...'

Susan raised her eyebrows and shook her head as she said 'What? What isn't he?'

The words left Abby's mouth before her brain had even thought about it 'Carter, John Carter'

Susan just nodded knowingly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanksgiving

Carter met Abby as she was entering the ambulance bay. Although she was walking purposefully she wasn't really concentrating on the world around her.

'Hey' said Carter startling her out of her reverie

'Carter' she replied when she had composed herself

'Is it busy?' he asked inclining his head in the direction of the hospital.

'Usual Thanksgiving mayhem. You working all night?'

'Yeah, drew the short straw. Someone's got to do it right?'

She smiled 'No hot date with Sophie?' she teased

'No...We.....I'm not seeing her anymore. She's a great girl but a little too possessive I discovered'

'Oh, sorry'

'Don't be it's okay I didn't date her for ....'

'A long term relationship?'

'Yeah that. It's was, it is, just good to be able to date if I want to and all that. Not feeling that I have to or anything' 

'Uh huh' she uttered as they stood there staring at each other.

He had almost added something along the lines of 'the girl I want to be with is dating someone else', but he held himself back.

'CARTER!' yelled Kerry 'You've been standing there long enough, get your butt in here and do some work, your shift started five minutes ago'

'On my way' he shouted back over his shoulder then to Abby said 'Got to go'

'Good luck' she said

'Thanks' he replied winking at her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone celebrated Thanksgiving in different ways that evening. Susan and Chuck tried to share a quiet evening together but one of them had to keep getting up for Megan who wouldn't settle. In the end Chuck brought her into the room with them and sat her on his knee while they finished their meal in relative peace.

Fleur settled down to an organised meal cooked with all organic ingredients. Not having anyone she wished to share Thanksgiving with she retired early to bed with her latest medical journal.

Carter was rushed off his feet, it was one trauma after another and he did not have time to reflect on how his life was so different from the previous year. Kerry stayed until ten after that he was on his own with a couple of residents and a handful of nurses, to treat the vast amount of patients who streamed through the doors.

Abby spent the time as arranged with Ben, Ethan, India, Ben's parents and brother. Although she had fun she felt somehow an outsider here with Ben and his family. She was almost relieved when an opportunity presented itself and she was able to leave. Then she went to the sanctuary of her apartment and even though it was late called Maggie and Eric. Whilst wondering what the hell she was doing with a man she didn't love and at the same time about the man she did, who was still clearly not ready for a long term relationship. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Thank you for your comments and for your encouraging words. Not much more of Ben I promise. Just to let you all know that I won't be able to update for a couple of weeks or so. Look out for an update mid May. Hope you like this chapter.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 7

Christmas Eve 04

The ER was looking traditionally festive; not only with the decorations, which adorned the place, but also with the type of patients the Christmas period attracts each year. With a sudden rush of patients who visited the emergency room with any small ailment they had which they thought could hamper their enjoyment of Christmas.

Abby let out a long drawn out sigh glancing at the clock and thinking that as she had only five minutes left of her shift she didn't want to door to swing open with some large trauma. It appeared that luck was on her side and after wishing everyone a Happy Christmas she escaped the confines of the hospital and set out to make the first of her two stops of the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The doorbell rang twice before it was heard. Abby was just pondering whether or not to leave when it finally opened.

'Jack hi, John about?' Abby asked

'Yeah come in, you look good'

'You too, how are you?' she asked

'Not bad. Go through' he said indicating for her to enter the lounge

'No I can't stay. I have to be somewhere'

'Okay well I just get John for you'

Abby sighed gazing about until Carter came out into the hall looking hot and flustered.

'You okay?' she asked

'Yeah. I'm head chef tonight' he answered grinning at her

'Oh that accounts for the burning smell then' she teased

'Ha Ha!' he said sarcastically then added 'Dad said you just popped by?' he shrugged his shoulders as if to ask why.

'Oh yeah, well I haven't seen you and I wanted to give you this' she said as she pulled a festively wrapped gift out of her bag and handed it to him. 'Just a little something to help you relax'

'Thank you' he replied taking the present which was obviously some kind of CD. 'I got you something too'

'Oh you didn't have to' she said as he went to retrieve it

'No but I wanted to' he told her and added 'Open it'

She opened the box to find a gold necklace with what looked like a small diamond pendant.

'Wow John, thank you' she managed

'Put it on' he suggested

'I have to take my coat and stuff off' she protested

'It'll only take a minute' he insisted

'Okay' she relented and shrugged out of her outdoor clothing and he fastened the chain around her neck, where her fingers automatically reached up to touch it.

So many thoughts were running through her mind. She had no idea why he had bought such an expensive gift. Although the money side of it had probably never even entered his head. Ben she knew would be jealous if he discovered that Carter had given her this.

She must have been quiet for a while as when he spoke he said 'Abby, Abby don't you like it?' she stared up at him and he continued 'I wanted to say thank you, for listening when I hit rock bottom. For caring enough to drop a date or two with Ben to see me, talk, console me. Be there for me when I needed you'

Abby still lost for words reached up and went to kiss his cheek.

'John' said Jack from the doorway.

As Carter turned towards his father the kiss brushed his lips instead, which caught both he and Abby by surprise. They moved away quickly from each other. Abby backing up against the wall, Carter almost into Jack. There both muttered lots of 'um's and er's' as they did so.

Abby seemed to gather herself together first and said 'Got to go' she gathered up her coat and accessories from the bottom of the stairs and hurriedly put them on.

All the while Carter seemed stupefied after what had just occurred.

'John' said Jack loudly

'What?' he replied

'Abby's leaving'

'Abby' Carter said trying to think of something sensible to say but coming up with nothing.

'Happy Christmas' she said to the pair of them as she let herself out the door, as John Carter watched her walk away out of sight and Jack Carter watched his son.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Abby arrived at her next destination still rather disorientated after accidentally kissing Carter on the mouth and wondering what on earth Jack had thought of it all. Sighing she pressed the doorbell.

'Abby hi' Ben greeted her with a smile, hug and kiss. 'Hungary?'

Abby nodded as he ushered her into the room. Ben's father was asleep snoring in an armchair and his mother was sitting opposite him knitting. Abby didn't think anyone knitted anymore these days obviously she was mistaken. Ben's mother looked up and smiled at Abby then returned to her knitting.

'She's counting stitches' explained Ben drawing Abby into the dining room so that they could have some form of privacy.

'Your brother not here then?'

'Later. Can you stay the night?'

Abby sighed and shrugged 'I can but I need to be at work by seven'

'That's okay I'll give you a ride'

'That's very generous of you' she said knowing he didn't like getting out of bed if he did not have to.

'Anytime' he answered 'Now let me get you something to eat'

She bit her lip until it hurt. Why did she make her life so complicated?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chuck and Susan put Megan down to sleep in her cot and actually managed to have a decent evening together. Hanging up a stocking for their baby daughter's first Christmas before they retired to bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fleur was working again; in fact she had offered to work all tomorrow too. There wasn't any point taking the day off to spend it alone. All the relations on her mother's side had died when she was much younger and she had never known her family from her father's family anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack and Carter stayed up late into the night talking, trying to fix their ailing father son relationship which had gone downhill after Millicent Carter had died. Gradually they lapsed into silence each wrapped up in their own thoughts.

'What are you going to do about Abby?' asked Jack suddenly

'What are you talking about?' Carter replied

'I know what I saw earlier'

'And that was what exactly?'

'Two people trying to deny how things really are between them'

'She's got a boyfriend'

'So?' asked Jack 'Didn't stop you falling for her before'

'That was different'

'Oh not really. You both may have changed at bit, had different experiences, but the love's still there stronger than ever'

Carter scoffed at his father's suggestion.

'That was a very nice gift just to give your 'friend' ' Jack added

'I wanted to thank her, let her know I appreciated what she'd done'

'It's not too late John, if you really love her. You've never given up on something your heart's desired, needed before. Why start now?' 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks later. Jan 05

'Damn' said Ben as he pulled away from Abby and went into the bathroom

'What?' she called from the bed

When he didn't reply she turned over and shut her eyes. He returned some moments later.

'You okay?' she asked propping herself up in one elbow.

'The condom split' he explained

'Oh'

'If you'd gone on the pill like I'd suggested' he said crossly

She sighed 'I didn't get round to it'

'We've been seeing each other for a while'

'I know, I'm sorry'

'I had my kids. I don't want anymore, my family's complete, even if I have divorced their mother'

'I'll take the morning after pill if that makes you feel better' she snapped clambering out of the bed

'Where are you going? he asked

'Home' she answered hastily pulling on her clothing

'But I thought you were going to stay the night?'

'I've changed my mind' she told him her tone hostile

He looked at her retiring form but he didn't attempt to follow her. Instead he lay down in the bed and went to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carter led Eleanor into the restaurant one hand at the small of her back the other trying to loosen the tie which he felt was choking him. As he prepared for a tension filled evening.

They had ordered their meal and Eleanor was telling him how she was spending her days when Carter caught something interesting out the corner of his eye. Although his mother was still talking Carter didn't hear a word she said. Sitting in the corner of the restaurant was Ben Norris and an elegant looking woman.

Carter spent the remainder of the meal trying valiantly to concentrate and appear interested in all his mother was saying, whilst keeping one eye on Ben and his dinner partner. Which he concurred was most definitely a date. The way they looked, touched each other actually convinced Carter they were lovers. They departed whilst Carter and Eleanor were eating desert. Carter watched, as out on the sidewalk they shared a kiss. Which was most certainly a kiss of two people who were more than friends.

Somehow he managed to compose himself in front of his mother. Even though he wished he could go outside and punch Ben, hard.

'John something wrong?' Eleanor asked

He focused back on his mother and said 'No, I've just seen someone I know'

'Oh, do you need to go and talk with them?' she queried

'No' he replied shaking his head and smiling at her. While inside his mind was in turmoil.

A hundred thoughts ran through his mind that night. What should he do? Should he tell Abby what he saw? What should he say? Not one of the thoughts convinced him what to say for the best. And he had his first bought of insomnia for over two months.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Thank you for all your reviews, it is so uplifting to read them all. So here I am with an update while still suffering from jet lag and cellulitis which I got from an insect bite in Yosemite. Typical!!! These things always happen to me.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 8

Carter ran his hands through his hair, sat back resting his head on the sofa. His sleepless night was catching up with him. Seeing Abby in a good mood wasn't helping his day. He sighed and shut his eyes trying to draw some inner strength from the recess of his mind.

'You look a little rough today' commented Susan joining him on the sofa with Megan

He opened his eyes and looked at the pair of them. 'What's up?' Susan asked jiggling Megan on her knee.

'I saw something I shouldn't have'

'Oh, what here?'

'No. I was awake all night thinking about how to tell her'

'Who?'

'Abby'

'Whatever it is I get the feeling it isn't good'

'No, maybe I shouldn't say anything'

'If you were her would you want to know?' Susan asked Carter

'Yes' he replied without even hesitating

'There's your answer then, you have to tell her whatever it is'

They walked along by the river, it was a bitterly cold evening and Carter had a feeling that it was going to get even colder and not just the weather.

'What you want to talk to me about?' Abby asked looking at him with a worried expression on her face, as he had looked tired and drawn all day.

He took a deep breath and said 'You'

'Me?'

'Ben really'

'Ben? What's going on Carter?' she put her hand on his arm and they stopped walking

He stared out to the river all the words he had practised earlier seemed inappropriate now. He stood there for a long time trying to figure out how best to tell her.

'Abby' he finally said his expression and tone serious and she looked at him her gaze intense. 'I went out with my mother last night'

'I know, how did it go?' she replied sincerely hoping that it had been successful.

'That part of the evening, better than I expected' he paused then added 'Something else happened'

'What?'

'I... I..Saw Ben'

'You did?'

'Uh huh. He wasn't alone Abby. It looked like he was out on a date'. There he had finally said it and the relief was enormous.

'You sure about this are you?' she answered, her tone curt

This however didn't surprise him, he knew she's be hurt, act this way. He would have been the same, had their roles been reversed.

'Yes' was his only response.

'And what makes you so sure? It could have been something innocent'

'They looked intimate' he told her

'How?' she prompted

'They were very touchy, feely with each other and they shared a kiss'

'They kissed?'

He nodded 'Not the kind of kiss you give a friend unless you are sharing their bed'

She scowled at him and turned away 'Thank you I think that is graphic enough' she said bitterly

'I'm not saying this to hurt you Abby' this time it was Carter who touched Abby 's arm. 'Say something please, I thought you ought to, needed to know'

'I don't need this' she said shrugged off his hand from her arm

'I'm sorry'

'Sorry you saw what you thought you saw or sorry you told me'

'The first'

He badly wanted her to turn round so that he could somehow comfort her, but that didn't happen.

'Please leave' she asked

'What?'

'Go. I need to be alone right now'

'Abby?'

'Just go Carter'

He watched her for a few moments but she didn't move an inch, so he turned on his heel and walked away.

She stood there for ages, rooted to the spot. She didn't know why she was so mad at Carter. It wasn't his fault, and she knew Carter wouldn't lie. She had never really been happy in the past six months with Ben, but she hated it that he had cheated on her. It made her feel so cheap and worthless, reminded her of her relationship with Richard. The thing that irked her most was that Carter had found out about it. That Carter knew what a fiasco her relationship with Ben actually was.

The following day at work the atmosphere was incredibly tense every time Abby and Carter met anywhere in the ER.

'What's going on with those two?' asked Pratt, indicating Abby and Carter who were at a patient's bed side together.

'Nothing as far as I know' answered Jing-Mei 'Why?'

'They seem to be acting odd today'

Jing-Mei shrugged as Carter came up to write on the board.

'You okay?' she asked stepping alongside him

''Yeah' he replied

'Nothing wrong?'

'No' he turned and focused his attention on her

'You look tired' she commented

'Bad couple of nights'

'I thought you were feeling better'

'New problem'

'Oh, what's up with Abby?' she asked trying to find out something interesting

'She's having a bad day that's all' he answered picking up another chart and walking off.

'Well that was productive' said Frank 'We know as much now as we did before you spoke to Dr Carter'

'Shut up Frank' Jing-Mei answered also walking off.

Abby's Birthday

'Have you been here before?' asked Susan as they sat in a newish restaurant

'Nope it's only just opened'

'I know I thought you might have come here with Ben' Susan said, really wondering why Abby asked herself, Susan for a girl's night out on her birthday when she could have spent it with Ben. Not to mention her curiosity of the situation with Abby and Carter, which was accumulating gossip like wild fire at work.

'So' said Susan after a while 'How's everything?' You've looked kind of stressed the last couple of days? What's up?'

'Ben and Carter'

'Oh sounds complicated'

'Oh it is. Never do anything by half, me' Abby told Susan

'Well what have you done?'

'Nothing at the moment which is part of the problem'

'Carter was worried the other day when I spoke with him. Had something he didn't know how to tell you'

'Oh he told me'

'That's what caused the tension between you?'

'I guess so. It's also why I'm here with you on my birthday'

'You and Ben have broken up?' Susan queried

'No'

'Oh' replied Susan

'I need to talk to him, assess the situation then go talk to Carter'

'Right' said Susan none the wiser

'How's Megan?' asked Abby

'Good' replied Susan. Knowing that changing the subject was Abby's way of saying that the Ben, Carter discussion was done.

Susan went on to explain a few of Megan latest antics. Abby began to loosen up a little and Susan found that she was beginning to enjoy herself too. They ended up giggling at almost everything.

It was only as they were about to part company that they saw something similar to what Carter had seen a few days previously. Ben Norris and a smartly dressed woman entering a club.

'I guess that's Ben's birthday present to me' Abby said dryly

'Oh God I'm sorry' said Susan 'I didn't know'

'Carter warned me'

'That's what he told you? That Ben was seeing someone else?'

Abby nodded 'I kind of got mad with him, Carter' she added off Susan's puzzled expression. 'It's not Carter's fault I know, it just makes me feel such an idiot'

'And Ben hasn't dumped you?'

'No'

'Two timing bastard' Susan said

'My sentiments exactly' Abby agreed

'Look you should get in there quick and dump him first. Don't give him the satisfaction of dumping you'

Abby just nodded 'This is confidential, I know people are talking about me'

'Sure' Susan replied

Abby stood at Ben's front door and rang the bell again. She was not at all surprised when the woman she had seen Ben with yesterday opened it.

'Can I help you?' she asked

'Ben in?' asked Abby

'Sure' said the woman closing the door behind her leaving Abby standing out in the none too warm hallway. This did not improve Abby's frame of mind.

Ben eventually came to the door, stunned to see Abby standing there 'I'm surprised to see you, I thought you were working' he managed not knowing for she but they hadn't spoken since she'd walked out in the middle of the night.

She shook her head 'What was a surprise was seeing you and whatever her name is yesterday entering some fancy club, looking intimate and close'

'We're just friends' he replied

'Yeah right, what about when you took her to that expensive restaurant?'

'You know about that too?'

'I just want to know one thing Ben. How long has this been going on?' she kept herself well controlled but inside she was shaking.

'I was going to tell you I promise. It just kind of crept up on me. I met Jenni at work a few weeks ago. I swear I was going to tell you'

'Here' she shoved a few CD's into his hand 'Yours I believe'

'Abby wait, can't we talk about this?'

'We just have. It's over but then you already knew that' she turned and left him standing there as she had a more important place to be.

He opened the door slowly, then when he saw that it was Abby he ushered her in with a slight tilt of his head. They entered the lounge and again he indicated this time for her to sit.

'Coffee?' he asked

She replied by nodding, she didn't really feel like talking but knew in a few moments she would have to. When he came back he sat opposite her, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin on his locked fingers. He gazed intently at her patiently waiting for her to speak. She looked everywhere except at the man in front of her, who sat there quietly, waiting until she was ready.

Eventually her gaze rested on him and she said. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you away. It hadn't been working for a long time, if ever. I liked him but it was never love, but that didn't stop the hurt of feeling used.' She paused and sighed 'I know you were only trying to help, look out for my best interests. If anyone is to blame it's me; somehow I always manage to get myself in these messes'

He reached out and took her hands in his, never taking his eyes away from hers 'You okay?' he asked

She nodded 'I went to see him before I came here. You know she even answered the door' she told him and he could hear the pain of betrayal in her voice. 'How could I have been so stupid?'

'We don't always think about what we are doing until it's too late' he told her. Thinking of a couple of situations where that had applied to him. 'Don't beat yourself up over it; he's not worth it. He clearly doesn't care, the only person hurting in all this is you' and himself he thought inwardly wishing that this thing with Ben had never occurred.

She looked like she was going to cry, but she didn't and he watched as she bit back the tears.

'You want to stay for dinner?' he offered

She nodded and he knew that speaking right now was not an option for her. They ate the meal in relative silence, but without the tension of the past few days.

'I ought to go' she said eventually not really wanting to leave this environment with Carter where she felt secure.

He stood up and replied 'I'll give you a ride home'

'You don't have to' she told him

'I want to'

He even walked her to her apartment door.

'Thank you' she said turning towards him after opening the door.

'You're welcome' he answered

This time, unlike the day at the river he took the initiative and enfolded her in his arms, pulling her close. She shut her eyes and revelled in the moment, before they broke apart. She entering her apartment, he descending the staircase and out to his car.


	9. Chapter 9

AN; Thank you for all your reviews. Just wanted to say, don't worry, don't panic, just hang in there for the next couple of chapters. You will know what I mean as you read.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 9

It was only when she realised that her period was late, that she remembered that she had forgotten to take the morning after pill.

'Dammit' she muttered coming out of the stall and heading for the sink

'Something wrong?' asked Sam who was there

'No' said Abby trying to brush it off 'I just forgot to do something' knowing that she'd really got herself into a mess this time, she was never late.

She had been staring at the test for the past thirty minutes. It wasn't going to change the outcome. She had known the answer anyway; this had just proved it to her. What the hell was she going to do? If she spoke to someone it would be Susan or Carter. Susan although interested was understandably wrapped in in Megan. Carter? How could she talk about this with him? And they had been getting on so much better lately and now she was going to spoil it. She felt scared, alone and confused, more so than last time in fact.

A few weeks later

'Abby' said Kerry 'You wanted a word, make it quick though I'm off to a meeting'

'It's about the ride-along with the paramedics'

'What about it?'

'I wondered if I could reschedule it?'

'Why?' Kerry looked at her scathingly

'I'm pregnant'

'Oh, really?'

'Only just. I haven't figured out what to do'

'Well while you're figuring it out you can be with the paramedics'

'But Dr Weaver..' Abby protested

'Abby, what do you think is going to happen? I'm not sending you out with the bomb squad. It's the paramedics'

'I know that but...'

'But nothing. I have to go to the meeting'

Abby sighed as she vacated Kerry's office and stood resting her frame against the wall.

'Haven't you got a shift downstairs?' commented Kerry as she hobbled past.

Abby just glared at her.

'Hey Abby, fancy pulling a nurse shift next week?' asked Susan

'No' answered Abby

'They're desperate' added Frank

'Why?'

'Some kind of dispute over pay. Weaver's asked me to make sure we have some nurses on at least' Susan explained waving a sheet of paper in front of Abby.

Abby took the paper from Susan and skimmed over it's contents 'I'm out on a ride-along that day. Weaver won't reschedule I tried, not for this, other reason' she told Susan 'And I'm not a nurse anymore'

'Oh well that'll be fun out with the paramedics' Susan told her as Abby pulled a face.

'What about agency nurses?' suggested Abby

'You know what they're like' Susan said

'Looks like they're your only option' Abby replied

'Thanks' said Susan with a grin 'You're very helpful'

Abby smiled back 'Always am right?'

Abby stood on the roof looking out into the clear cold night sky. Willing her shift to be over. She snuggled down into her coat, trying to gain heat from somewhere within it's depths and drank the steaming coffee, with which her hands were warmed by.

Still in a quandary on what to do now her life had taken an unexpected and unforeseen turn. She was torn between becoming a single mother and having an abortion. And what if she became a mother, should she tell Ben? She knew he didn't want any more kids, but could she keep something like that from him, even if they had split up?

And then there was Carter, he'd had enough to deal with the past year or so, how would he respond to all this? Would any chances she had of reconciliation with him be ruined now?

The unpredicted kiss at Christmas had surprised her; not that he had kissed her back or anything. But it had been an odd experience, kind of old and new at the same time, which didn't make sense at all.

She knew if she told Maggie she would encourage Abby to keep the baby, take a chance on life. But was she ready to have a child alone? Even though she had changed become more open she felt unable to discuss this with anyone. Especially as Dr Weaver had been so unsympathetic, which had surprised Abby, knowing Weaver's history. Not that Abby cared about Dr Weaver's opinion; she did however care about Carter's.

Despite feeling sort of queasy at the beginning of the day with the paramedics, it seemed to be going better than she had visualised and was certainly easier that a day at in the ER. They had been to County a few times the staff being somewhat preoccupied due to the lack of nurses.

'How's it going?' asked Carter on one trip she made into the ER

'Good so far, what's it like here?' she replied

'Not good. We have about half the quota of nurses and Weaver's who's in a bad mood has graced us with her presence'

'Lucky you'

'Thank you' he answered wryly

'Abby' called Harms 'We've got to go'

'Catch you later' said Abby walking off

'I'm off in two hours' he added but she had already gone.

Several hours later and Abby was looking forward to going home when they took one last call.

'This should be interesting for you' commented Harms 'Gang incident, GSW'

They arrived at the scene, it was relatively quiet and the police indicated for them to go ahead and see the patient when all hell broke loose. No one really knew what happened, it was all so fast. It became an unexpected melee of police, paramedics, and the gangs involved, not to mention one or two passers by. There was a lot of shouting and noise and several shots rang out. Abby was innocently trying to stay on the sidelines one moment and then the next she was lying in a growing pool of blood trying to stay conscious.

Everything was in a haze as though it was happening to someone else, not her. She was fighting to remain focused on reality. Abby was aware of lights, noises, the siren wailing. Harms seemed to be going in and out of Abby's vision. Reminding Abby a bit of being completely and utterly drunk, except when you were drunk the pain was in your head not your body.

She forced herself to concentrate and stay conscious, but she felt weaker by the second, like life was draining out of her. She must have reached out her hand as Harms laid it back on the gurney.

'It's okay,' she told Abby 'We'll be at County in two minutes'

Even in the state she was in Abby could see the worried expression on the paramedic's face.

'Abby! Abby! Can you hear me?' Dr Weaver spoke loudly and clearly to Abby, penetrating through the blackness.

Abby slowly opened her eyes her eyelids heavy. Everything was blurry; she was able to make out Kerry, Fleur and a couple of nurses she didn't recognise too.

'Abby' said Fleur

Abby tried to focus on Fleur and Kerry but she was finding it almost impossible. She tried to tell then not to call Maggie and to remind Kerry that she was pregnant, but she was not sure if the words were coming out of her mouth or not.

Kerry and Fleur were issuing commands rapidly and that was the last thing that Abby was aware of before the blackness engulfed her once more.

Fleur and one of the agency nurses hurried towards the elevator and then on to the OR. Kerry hurried out of the trauma room, making sure that there was no evidence or trace that Abby Lockhart had been treated here at the ER that evening. The only people who knew she had been through the doors were herself, Fleur, the agency nurses and Harms and Morales and she had already had words with them. Thoughts of her conversation with Abby from the previous week were haunting her mind. Kerry just hoped that everything was going to be okay for her sake as much as Abby's, thankful that it was evening and the amount of staff were fewer than during the day.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Thanks for taking the time to comment. This chapter is a little short sorry about that.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 10

'Where's Abby this morning?' asked Luka the next day

'Weaver left a message saying Abby was under the weather and wouldn't be in for a couple of days' said Frank

'Doesn't sound like Abby' commented Carter 'She usually comes in even if she feels rough'

'That's what I thought, but Dr Weaver insisted, she was right'

Carter shrugged, he had planned on calling her last night but hadn't got round to it and figured he would call her later.

She woke to the sound of a monitor bleeping feeling woozy and drugged. She was vaguely aware she was intubated before she slipped into an unconscious state once more.

'Wasn't it one of yours that got shot yesterday?' the medical rep asked generally to the staff as she approached the desk.

'No I don't think so' said Frank 'I never miss a thing when it comes to staff here'

'Oh I must be mistaken'

'I'm sure that if one of us from the ER was shot yesterday we'd all know all the details by now' Carter added

The rep shrugged and began to get her products out of her bag, wondering why all the doctors left so suddenly.

'Doughnut?' asked Frank

'Sure why not' she replied

'We're going to move you to a private room as soon as possible' Fleur told Abby later that morning.

'Have I been here long?' Abby croaked, her throat sore from being intubated

'A little over sixteen hours. Do you remember what happened?'

'Bit's. It's kind of sketchy'

'Well you were caught in the crossfire twice, unfortunately. Your shoulder was hit and the other bullet lodged right side of your pelvis; lucky you didn't shatter the bone or suffer injuries to your organs. You lost more blood than we would have liked though'

'I can imagine' Abby replied matter-of-factly

'Do you want me to call anyone, your Mom perhaps?'

'God no. I tried, I mean I wanted to say that yesterday in the trauma room, but I wasn't sure if I was speaking or not'

'Oh yeah, it came out a bit garbled but you managed to get your wishes across, you said something about not calling your Mom or some guy called Eric'

'My brother' she told Fleur 'Did I say anything else?'

'You mumbled a bit about being pregnant and you still are'

'I am?'

Fleur nodded as her pager bleeped and she said to Abby groaning 'MVA, catch you later'

Abby gave Fleur a weak smile and shut her eyes.

Kerry sat at her desk in her office absorbed in her thoughts. Why had she insisted on Abby going on the ride-along? Kerry had ensured for her own benefit that only vital personnel knew about Abby. Kerry needed to cover herself. A bit like when she had treated the friend of Alderman Bright, which had gone so terribly wrong. Not that this with Abby was the same but still she felt partly to blame for what had occurred.

The Next Day

It was strange waking up in the hospital environment. It was quiet and still in her room and she could occasionally hear noises from the hall on the other side of the wall.

Her wounded body hurt like hell, she felt so weak, lifeless, drained. Looking out the corner of her eye she watched as the blood and D5W dripped down their respective tubes and into her system. She guessed she might feel slightly better if she started eating, but just the thought of food made her want to retch. Not that she had anything in her stomach; she hadn't eaten for nearly two days.

It was odd, this time here; she had, alone reflecting on her life and how close she had come to losing it. Maybe she was supposed to have this baby, this new life growing inside her. She still didn't know if it was what she wanted. It would be tough enough being a single mother let alone a single mother who was a second year resident, for that is what she would be by then.

Carter walked into the Lounge and stuffed his things into his locker when Susan came in.

'Hey Carter' she said 'Get hold of Abby?'

'No she wasn't in or answering her phone'

'Mmm well I tried her cell and she didn't answer that either. Do you think she's really sick?'

'The only other thing that went through my mind was that she's gone on an emergency mission to Minnesota, but why Weaver told everyone she's off sick for a few days' he shrugged 'I just don't know'

'I guess that sounds possible. But why didn't she tell me or at least you where she was going? I don't get it'

'I don't get it either, but sometimes that's just how Abby is' Carter answered

Cramping pains in her stomach awakened Abby and initially she thought it was her injury at the side of her pelvis. By the time she was fully awake she realised that it was not. She clasped the buzzer and pressed it, to call the nurse.

The minutes that ticked by felt like hours, she was stuck in the bed unable to move far. She had forgotten how many times she pressed the call button for help, still no one came.

Eventually she could see the tell tale crimson leak through the bed linen which was covering her body. She had known it was too late since she had first woken up, the nurse wouldn't have been able to do anything anyway. She felt cheated that the choice had been taken away from her. She had just begun to really think she could be a mother and now that wasn't to be. She gave up pressing the call button and turned her head away from the door biting back the tears, which formed in her eyes as she did so.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: It's always great to read your comments, thanks. Hope you like new chapter.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 11

Fleur was standing at the desk writing some notes when Harms and Morales approached her.

'Dr Buchannan?' said Harms

Fleur looked up and replied 'How can I help you?'

'You remember, a couple of days ago we brought a patient in?'

'You bring lots of patients in, care to be more specific?' she prompted as Carter came up and used the computer to her right.

Harms and Morales looked at Carter who was absorbed in what he was doing then back to Fleur.

'The GSW, shoulder and pelvis' Morales said trying to keep details to a minimum after the lecture from Weaver.

Fleur knew nothing about this since Kerry felt Fleur hardly spoke to anyone anyway.

'You mean Dr Lockhart' Fleur informed them not realising the can of worms she had just opened.

Harms and Morales looked at each other while Carter, who's ears caught 'Dr Lockhart', stared opened mouthed at Fleur.

As Harms and Morales nodded Fleur told them. 'She's going to be okay, slight complication yesterday, but she'll be fine eventually. I'm surprised no one down here's been up to visit her. She always seems popular'

'Thank you' mumbled Morales looking at Carter and deciding that they would take the opportunity to leave.

Carter swallowed hard and said 'Dr Buchannan?'

'Dr Carter' she replied acknowledging him.

'Where, where is Abby?' he asked

'Room six one nine'

'Do you need to rush off?' he asked

'No not at this exact moment, why?'

'Will you cover for me for ten minutes?'

Fleur studied him; he looked kind of odd. 'Sure, ten minutes only though I have my own job to do too'

'Thank you' he managed before taking off for the elevators.

There was a queue when he got there so he took the stairs instead.

o0o

Room six one nine, the door was closed and he stood outside for a couple of moments trying to get his breath back and prepare himself to see Abby.

He opened the door slowly, she had her eyes closed, so he assumed she was sleeping and he took in the scene before him. She looked so pale and fragile, he noticed the IV's dripping into her body and he wanted to turn and run. Go hide someplace so that he could pretend that this wasn't happening.

He walked over to the bed and picked up her chart, scanning the contents he found there. His eyes coming to rest on the complication from yesterday where she lost the baby and his heart broke for her.

'Interesting reading?' her voice was soft but broke through the silence and he dropped her chart which clattered loudly to the floor.

As he picked it up he looked at her, her facial expressions were of mixed emotions and he didn't think he could decipher them all at once.

'Oh Abby' he managed 'I'm so sorry'

She sniffed once and pouted then said 'Things happen for a reason right'

He looked back at her biting his bottom lip.

'I just haven't figured out what the reason is' she added

He knew it seemed stupid but he felt like crying. Suddenly the door opened and a guy came in with a tray of lunch, which he put down on the over the bed table.

'Take it away' Abby told him

'But you've got to eat' the man replied

'I can't, not that' she said, the man shrugged and left without the food.

'What is it?' Carter asked recovering from his momentarily relapse of self control and taking a look 'Soup' he said encouragingly to Abby

She turned her nose up and said 'If it's like the stuff I tried yesterday it'll be foul'

'You know you're not going to get rid of the D5W if you don't eat' he told her, trying cajoling her to eat.

She looked at him and replied 'Have you tasted it?'

'Okay' he said and took the spoon and tried it, inwardly deciding that it was rather disgusting but he didn't let on. 'It's not that bad, especially if you eat it with the bread'

Still she looked at him.

'Go on, for me' he added.

Put that way she knew she couldn't refuse to try and managed a few mouthfuls before giving up.

'Okay for that I'll bring something tasty by later' he said with a smile, hoping to cheer her up. 'Why did Weaver tell everyone you were under the weather?' he added changing the subject.

'That's what she told you?' Abby said

'Yeah, she said you'd be back in a few days'

'I think she feels bad. I told her I wanted to reschedule the ride-along, she said no'

'Oh'

'And she treated me the night I was in trauma along with Dr Buchannan'

'I'm surprised Chuny or Malik didn't say something?'

'I guess they didn't know it was the day of the nurse's dispute'

'Still Weaver could have said something. You okay?' he said seeing her start to flag. 'Want me to get you some more pain medication?'

She shook her head 'Some sleep would be good'

'I'd better go anyway, my ten minutes are long up. I think Dr Buchannan meant it when she said she'd only cover for me for ten'

'She covered for you?'

'Yeah, surprised me too, normally she's so offhand'

o0o

Carter made his way back down to the ER. So many thoughts running through his mind.

'That was fifteen minutes and forty-two seconds' Fleur told him as he reached the desk

'Sorry' he answered looking sheepish, he never knew quite what to make of Fleur.

'Let you off this once' she told him and she walked off in the direction he had come from.

Suddenly he noticed Kerry standing by him.

'Dr Weaver' he said to her

'John I need to be upstairs' she replied

'Why didn't you tell us the truth? Didn't you think we'd figure it out eventually?'

'Carter I don't know what you're talking about'

'I think you do' he replied 'Room six one nine' he added

Recognition flooded Kerry's face 'How did you find out about that?'

'Does it matter? You know I think she'll do a lot better if she has her friends visit. She lying there alone in that sterile cold looking room'

'You've seen her then?'

'Obviously'

'I wish things could have been different'

'So do I, if you had listened to her she would be here downstairs with us where she belongs. Not having to go through what she needs to, to get back on her feet. I thought it was odd I couldn't get hold of her. I never in a million years envisioned this' he said feeling the need to vent to someone and that someone happened to be Kerry.

'Look Carter she's going to be okay'

'Yes, but it needn't have happened'

'But it did, unfortunate as it is'

'But why did it have to happen to Abby?' he looked Kerry straight in the eye, then suddenly turned and walked away

Kerry looked at everyone staring at her and snapped 'Haven't you got jobs to do' as she hurried back to the elevator.

'So what exactly was Carter saying?' asked Sam

'That Abby is in room six one nine' said Randi 'Maybe we should get some money together and buy some flowers'

'We still don't know what's wrong with her' commented Susan

'Well' said Randi 'I'll go organise the flowers then you can go give them to her and get some details'

'Sounds like a plan' replied Susan itching to find out what had happened to her friend. But disinclined to ask Carter, he had seemed upset enough as it was.

o0o

'Hey' said Susan entering room six one nine with a large bouquet of flowers.

'I take it Carter spoke to you' Abby replied 'They're beautiful, thank you' she added referring to the flowers

'They're from everyone' Susan informed her 'how are you feeling?'

'Just peachy'

'You know, I wondered where you had got to, I wanted you to be the first to know that I getting married, to Chuck, again, nothing fancy but this time I wanted a matron of honour, you'

Abby gave half a smile 'That's great, I'd love to, when I get out of here'

Susan smiled and said 'It's not 'til July. So what's keeping you here?'

'Carter didn't tell?'

'No, he had a little chat with Weaver, both of them spoke in riddles we just about figured you were in room six one nine'

'Oh' Abby replied pleased that Carter hadn't blabbed all over. Then again she knew that he wouldn't have anyway.

'So?' Susan asked again and Abby proceeded to tell Susan what she recalled of the day she was shot.

o0o

'Sorry I'm late I've just checked with the nurse to make sure you ate some dinner' said Carter entering Abby's room

'I wondered why she hung over me making sure I was eating' she replied

'Well, see now they've taken the D5W out, that must feel better'

'Some. It will be even better tomorrow when this has finished running in' she said indicating the blood IV.

'You still look rather pale'

'Thank you for your encouraging words' she said sarcastically.

'Sorry didn't mean it like that'

'So' she said 'You said if I ate something you would bring something nice to eat'

'And so I have' he held out the paper bag he was carrying and a spoon he had obtained from the canteen. 'You can't eat it all though you'll be sick' he said 'Besides I'd like some too, I'm starving'

He sidled up to the bed and she painfully inched over slightly so that he could sit on it facing her. Then he took the vanilla ice cream out the bag.

'I was going to buy rocky road but I thought that would be too sickly for someone who isn't eating properly' off her disappointed look he added 'Maybe next time'.

She smiled at him as he started feeding her and himself ice cream, which felt like a completely normal thing to do for both of them. Not leaving until she was asleep once more.

o0o

Abby discovered that the remainder of her time in hospital passed really quickly. First she had to give a statement to the police. Then she had a guy come down to talk with her with regard to the traumatic event she had gone through. Then when she was back on her feet she had to attend some physical therapy. Not to mention visits from her friends and colleagues especially one Dr Carter who as promised brought rocky road ice cream with him. In between all this she didn't have time to reflect on what had happened, as she was too tired and slept. Eventually though she was pleased to be sent home.

o0o

'It's no problem' insisted Carter

'Thank you I appreciate the offer but the answers still no' Abby told him

Carter sighed exasperated 'Abby why won't you let me help you?'

'I'm okay really and the sooner I get used to being back at home alone the better' she said her tone adamant

He knew that there was no point in trying to change her mind but added anyway 'Just because they're discharging you......Look Abby you still need to take it easy'

'I will I promise, I'll be okay in my apartment really' she insisted 'You want to help?'

'You know I do' he answered

'You could get me some groceries'

He raised his eyebrows at her, she thought he was going to tell her that he hoped to help more than that but instead he said 'Well, that's a start. I can make sure you're eating properly I guess'

Relieved by his answer she smiled and said 'You know I appreciate you taking me home too'

'Yeah' he answered smiling back at her knowing when not to push.

o0o

Abby didn't let on but by the time they reached her apartment she was exhausted. Going through the cupboards and fridge Carter noticed the lack of substantial food items there.

'I'll run by the store now if you like?' he suggested, while suddenly noticing how pale and tired she looked

'Great, here' she said thrusting her spare key into his hand 'You can let yourself back in, I need to go sit down....... and John?'

'What?'

'Thank you'

'You're welcome'

o0o

Carter walked around the store in a stupor, which resulted in having to re walk up most of the aisles for things he had missed the first time. Now it was his turn to be worried about Abby, everyone at work commented how well she was doing. Of course they didn't know about the miscarriage, which she still hadn't talked about, not to him and as far as he knew not to Susan either. Perhaps she had mentioned it to the post traumatic counsellor she had to see, he just didn't know. He kind of understood why she hadn't discussed it with him; she probably didn't want to upset him. But he found that he wanted her to talk it through with him, he felt that he could handle it. The other thing which bothered him was that he knew what it was like to suffer something like this and for the outside world to think life was just fine, even when it wasn't. Carter didn't think Abby would become a drug addict, she had only taken the bare minimum of drugs when in hospital. No he was more concerned that she would start drinking again.

o0o

When Abby awoke she found that she had the comforter thrown over her. The apartment was quiet and still and she decided that Carter had already left. Slowly she got up and pottered into the kitchen to make a coffee, while pouring through the cupboards to see what Carter had brought. The whole store by the look of it, she chose something simple to prepare for dinner, even if she didn't feel much like eating it.

Later she sat alone in bed, as she couldn't get comfortable on the sofa. She decided she had underestimated how she actually was. But Carter had known and if she was honest with herself he had been right, she would have been better staying with him for a bit, but she didn't want to burden him with her problems. Problems that would only rake up the recent past for him and she just didn't know if that was something that he could cope with after all he had been through.


	12. Chapter 12

AN; Sorry it's been so long since I updated, but I was ill last weekend and it was as much as I could do to sit in bed and watch TV. Thank you for your reviews and once again I apologise for the update delay. I have also started a new job so I may only be able to update weekly we will just have to see.

Chapter 12

Six weeks later

The ER was buzzing with activity. There were some people walking with purpose focused on what they needed to do. Some walked aimlessly around looking lost and confused. Some angry, some scared. The people around her displayed all kinds of emotions as she gazed at what she knew as work.

'Hey Abby' Morris said bringing her back to reality 'Stop day dreaming, it's gridlock out there' he indicated triage then the rest of the ER.

'Yeah I see' she answered unenthusiastically

'What's wrong with you anyway. You haven't been back long, you should be full of energy, raring to go'

'I was off sick, not on vacation' she pointed out

'Yeah but a break's a break' he added

She looked at him unbelievingly.

'Everything okay?' Carter asked Abby

'She's fine, she's just getting down to work' said Morris answering for Abby, as he did so handing her some charts.

Abby couldn't be bothered to reply to Morris' last comment and as she walked off Carter said annoyed to Morris 'I was talking to Abby'

Morris looked at Carter and shrugged before walking off himself to do as little work as was possible. While Carter watched Abby whom he was worried about.

o0o

Three men were chasing her, everything was dark and gloomy and she kept tripping over obstacles that she couldn't see. She could hear her pursuers gaining on her. She knew that they were able to smell her fear. She began to panic; she was breathing hard, her heart pounding as they got nearer. The men started shouting at her and she fell again. The shots rang out and she fell once more.

Abby bolted upright in bed trying to breathe normally, her heart still thumping. Perspiration glistened on her face and she switched the bedside light on. She lay back into the pillows and tried to eradicate the dream from her memory. She couldn't remember a night since she'd been back home when she hadn't had a nightmare similar to this one; sometimes it involved the baby.

Abby knew that the man who shot her would never shoot anyone again, he had been killed outright at the scene the day it had all happened. But the fear was still there. Knowing that she would not go back to sleep now she got up to make a hot drink for herself.

o0o

A few days later

'Abby, I think you should take a look at this patient' Connie said handing Abby a chart which hardly had any information on it at all, except that the child had been found after a neighbour had called 911 after hearing gun shots in the apartment.

'Don't you think an attending ought to take it?'

'They're all in trauma'

'I know' she replied

'Look she can't wait, she really needs to see someone. She won't respond to me or Chuny'

'Okay I'll see her' Abby said giving the chart back to Connie and wishing that she had stayed in bed. The nightmares would surely be better than having to deal with this type of situation when she felt as she did.

Abby and Connie walked into the room; the girl sat huddled on the bed taking up as little space as was humanly possible. She looked to be about seven years of age. Her big blue eyes stared at Abby warily and Abby smiled reassuringly back.

'She doesn't talk, she's tried, another nurse has tried, I tried' said the woman in the next bed whom Abby ignored, pulling the curtain half way round the child's bed as she did so.

'Hi I'm Dr Lockhart, can you tell me your name?' Abby asked the child gently.

The child continued looking at Abby, seemingly right into her soul.

'You know I really want to help you' Abby added perching on the far end of the bed so that she wasn't towering over the little girl.

The child still watched her, summing Abby up as she did so.

'Want me to call a social worker?' Connie asked

Abby nodded.

'NO DON'T' the child shouted

Abby and Connie focused their attention back on her.

'Why not? Asked Abby gently

'I don't want to go back'

'Back where?' prompted Abby

'Home'

'We're going to make sure when you leave you'll go be someplace safe' Abby told her. She knew it must be pretty bad if the child did not want to return to her home. Even when she was a kid and things were really bad she would always want to go home if she were stuck somewhere else.

'Abby' called Chuny urgently 'Your gall bladder patient is crashing'

'What?' Abby replied somewhat surprised, then to the girl she said 'Don't go anywhere I'll be right back'

The girl who hadn't moved from her huddled position nodded.

o0o

When Abby returned a short while later after having managed to save the gall bladder guy, the girl was curled up in a different position still in the far corner of the bed. She watched carefully as Abby approached the bed and sat down where she had previously been, followed into the area by Connie. Abby faced her youngest and probably most troubled patient of the day.

'Did he die?' the girl asked

'Pardon?' Abby replied

'The guy you went to see. Did he die?'

'No' Abby told her

The child regarded Abby thoughtfully. 'Molly, my name's Molly'

'Well hi Molly. Do you have a last name?'

'Delaney'

'How old are you, six? Seven?'

'Nine'

'Nine?' Abby said amazed

'I know I'm kind of small. I used to get teased at school'

'You don't anymore?'

Molly shrugged 'Don't go, last time I went I was eight'

'Oh' said Abby trying to think of something else to say then adding 'Is there anyone you'd like me to call? Someone that you could go stay with?'

Molly shook her head and shrugged. 'Don't know anyone. Did they die?'

'Who?'

'My Mom and Keith'

'They were with you this morning?' Abby asked noticing Ken appear out the corner of her eye.

'Yeah they were fighting, they always fight. I was sitting behind the couch. It's safe there. Who's this?' she asked indicating Ken

'This is Ken, he's a social worker and we're going to try and help you'

'Don't want to talk to him, I want to talk to you'

'Well you know what I'll come by later and talk with you but I've got lots of other patients who need me too'

Molly looked at her digesting this latest piece of information. 'Will she stay?' she said pointing at Connie.

'You want me to?' asked Connie

'Mmmm yeah that's okay. I just don't want no one to hit me'

'No one's going to hit you' Abby told her gently

'For real? And you'll find out what happened to my Mom and Keith?' asked Molly and Abby nodded. Then Molly added 'And you promise you'll come back?'

'Yes I promise' Abby told her looking at her with a combination of compassion and sympathy. Molly was a mixture of trying to act tough and completely vulnerable all in one. Before she left Abby ran through with Connie some tests they needed to run on Molly.

o0o

'Oh sorry' said Abby 'I thought I was alone' she perched her coffee on the ledge and looked out over the roof of County.

'It's okay' said Fleur 'How are you feeling?'

Abby shook her head slightly and shrugged her shoulders 'Well I'm back at work, so I must be better right?'

Fleur smiled 'Maybe. What brings you up here?'

'I needed some air, you know, I have this patient who 's nine. Physically abused by her mother and boyfriend, neglected, malnourished. Now they're dead it looks like they had a fight he shot his girlfriend then himself and I have to go downstairs and tell the little girl her Mom has died. I don't know if I can find the right words, I know it's not the first time I've had to give this kind of speech, but it's the first time I've had to tell a child'

'You'll be fine. She must be tough, the girl'

'She is, mixed with all her insecurities'

'You know she's got a chance, getting out of that kind of situation now'

'I know, doesn't make it easy though'

'No. Life is never easy, well that's my take on it anyway'

Abby looked at Fleur questioningly and Fleur added with a careless shrug. 'I grew up in boarding schools, I was sent away when I was younger than your patient is now, my mother had died and her mother too. There was no one to care for me so I was sent away to school by my father's family'

'What about the holidays?'

'Oh I usually stayed with one of the teachers who needed a holiday job to supplement their income. Mrs Mowatt would take me out to the country, somewhere in New England and Miss Reitherman always took me to her parents beach house in the summer, I used to think that that was pretty cool.' She stopped reminiscing on her past and smiled at Abby 'I better get going, good luck with your patient'

Abby sighed and took a gulp of her coffee thinking about Molly and her distressing life and then reflecting on Fleur and her sad tale.

o0o

Abby walked back into the room where Molly was now sitting looking more relaxed against the pillows on her bed. From glancing at the bed tray Abby could see that she had eaten too.

'Hi Molly' Abby said again sitting on the bed, she didn't care if it was the wrong thing to do, Abby just didn't want to tower over the girl and make her feel threatened. This way they were almost eye level with each other. Abby sat there feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

Picking up on this Molly said 'You know don't you? About my Mom?'

Abby nodded 'She was hurt really badly and the doctors did everything they could but she died' she said gently and carefully.

Molly's eyes glistened with tears 'I knew she was going to die he hit her in her stomach' One by one the tears fell silently down her face. 'What about Keith, did he die too?'

Abby nodded not trusting herself to speak this was all a bit too close to recent events for her and also the whole thing with Molly really bothered her.

'I hated them but I didn't want them to die' she said and Abby couldn't help but draw Molly into a hug and let the girl sob.

Hearing approaching footsteps Abby turned to see Ken once again and they shared an understanding look with regard to Molly.

o0o

Molly had left with Ken to a temporary foster placement and Abby sighed this was one of the worst days of her career as a doctor. She needed some space, some time out alone but she had another six hours left of her shift. Her need was so great to be away from everything she walked into the empty lounge to try and compose herself, so that she could continue with a decent frame of mind.

All the images of Molly were rushing around in her head, mixed with the pictures of the day with the paramedics and her time as a patient and when she lost the baby. She knew she wasn't really sure about anything anymore, life just wasn't fair. Just when you thought you'd got your life together something always came and spoilt it.

Molly had spent a lifetime in fear, a lifetime without love and she, Abby could have had a baby, two in fact and she knew that she would have loved them. She knew that she had loved them, even if she had not actually loved their fathers at the time, if at all. Although that was unfair for she had loved Richard once, Ben never however.

As she stood there lost in her thoughts the tears silently slipped down her face, all she wanted right now was to be able to go home. Unfortunately she couldn't really pass her self off as sick, so she just hugged herself tight and willed for the feelings to go away.

She was still standing like this when Carter entered the lounge to prepare for his upcoming shift, so occupied in her own world she didn't even hear him when he called her name and asked if she was okay.

When she failed to turn round or reply he reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder and discovered that it was trembling. Moving closer enabled him to see that everything was not all right and he sighed wondering what had sparked this off here, in the ER. Normally she was an expert at hiding her emotions from the outside world.

As with Abby earlier when Molly was distressed Carter couldn't help himself but draw Abby into his embrace. Some time later when Kerry who was looking not only for Abby who had disappeared with out trace, but also for Dr Carter who was now late for his shift, entered the room she discovered the pair sitting on the floor arms locked around each other and although it was obvious Abby was crying it appeared that Carter was too.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Thank you for all your encouraging reviews. Just a little chapter.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 13

Kerry walked up to the desk after vacating the lounge.

'Did you find either of them?' asked Susan 'I need to get Megan and get home'

'Yes both, they're in the lounge, neither fit to work' Kerry answered 'Go home Susan. I'll cover Carter and we can split Abby's patient's between us and oh don't go in the lounge'

'My stuff's in there' protested Susan

'Be discreet' Kerry replied then added 'What patients did Abby have today?'

'We have tried to make it easy for her since she's been back' said Luka 'She hasn't been in many trauma's'

'Was she in one today?' asked Kerry, trying to find out what had occurred.

'No' answered Susan and Luka together

'She dealt with the child abuse case though' interjected Chuny

'Tell me more' said Kerry

'Her Mom was shot by her boyfriend who then proceeded to shoot himself. The girl was discovered behind the sofa'

'Oh great' Kerry said then to Susan and Luka she added 'you let Abby have a patient like that!'

'We were in trauma with the Mom and the boyfriend' explained Susan

'What about Pratt or Morris?' Kerry asked

'We were in trauma too' Morris said hastily. He was not going to put himself in the path for any blame in this matter whatever it was.

Kerry sighed, this whole thing with Abby was still haunting her conscience and she had no one to blame except herself.

o0o

'It's my fault....I killed my baby...it's my punishment....Molly was so...' were some of the comments that Carter managed to decipher as Abby cried out the emotional agony of what had occurred several weeks earlier and what had sparked it all off today.

Carter tried his best to comfort her. Unfortunately it had brought his own pain back a little and he could not stop his own eyes brimming with tears. Although now his pain was more of a dull ache as opposed to the searing, all-consuming pain he had suffered before, what he now assumed that Abby was feeling. He couldn't quite understand all the things she was saying and he had never in his life heard her talk about someone called Molly.

Susan cautiously entered the lounge as quietly as she could and tip toed across the room to her locker. Even though Kerry had given them some explanation of Carter and Abby she was still somewhat surprised. Even more so that neither of them had even noticed that she had been in the room with them both.

o0o

A short while later.

'Okay, it's quieter now, what time are you off Luka?' Kerry asked

'Ten'

'Now you're off at six, tomorrow morning. I need you to cover the remainder of Carter's shift. I'll stay until ten' off Luka's annoyed expression, she added one word of explanation 'Henry'

Grudgingly Luka agreed 'Okay'

'Do you think they're ever going to come out of there?' asked Morris indicating the lounge.

'They still in there?' said Pratt

'Uh huh' answered Jerry

'Has anyone been in?' asked Kerry

'Not since Susan' Jerry informed them

'You know I find it all odd. Dr Carter and Abby' said Morris 'I mean what is it with them anyway. And Abby's sure been odd since she's been back at work. We all know what's eating Dr Carter'

Luka and Kerry gave Morris a disgusted look and Luka said 'It's complicated with Carter and Abby. They go back a long way. It's like they're drawn uncontrollably together despite everything, even when they weren't together, somehow they still were'

'I agree she's been different, distant' added Pratt

'I mean' went on Morris 'She was off for several weeks, she should have sorted out how she felt about things then'

'Delayed reaction' suggested Luka

This time it was Morris who looked at Luka disagreeing.

'Instead of standing here arguing and gossiping about Abby, if you are the friends I thought she had you would be showing her your support and understanding, not your criticism and judgement' interrupted Fleur unexpectedly. Then as suddenly as she had appeared she was gone.

Everyone stood there their mouths agape, including Carter who had approached the desk as Fleur was speaking.

'Now there's someone who's odd' stated Pratt who managed to find his tongue before anyone else and everybody couldn't help but silently agree.

'John?' said Kerry warily, noticing that he looked sort of drained and troubled.

'I'm taking Abby home' Carter told her 'I can come back' he added inwardly hoping that he would not have to, but not expecting it.

'No we've got it covered' Kerry told him which surprised him a bit but he knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth and graciously accepted.

'How's Abby?' asked Luka

Carter shrugged, ran his hands through his hair and shook his head as he met Luka's worried gaze.

Kerry surprised him once more when she told him 'Tell her not to come back 'til she's ready, we'll cover her for a couple of days'

Carter nodded and headed back to the lounge to Abby.

o0o


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Thank you for the reviews, I hope you all are still enjoying the story. I hope that this chapter is not too intense.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 14

Carter turned the key in the lock and ushered Abby into her apartment.

'Coffee?' she asked quietly.

He nodded and she went into the kitchen. Her hands were trembling as she started to make the drink.

'Here' said Carter coming up behind her 'I'll make it you go and sit down'

She looked at him and didn't have the will to argue so she turned and did as she was told, watching him move easily with familiarity around her kitchen from the comfortable sofa.

They drank the coffee in silence each absorbed in their own thoughts.

Finally Carter stood and said 'Shall I go? Leave you to get some rest?'

She looked alarmed at this suggestion and said 'No, I don't want you to go'

He bit his bottom lip, turned round and went back to sit with her on the sofa.

'What do you want to do?' he asked her tentatively.

'Talk, if you don't want to...it's okay I understand'

'You listened every time I called you last year; you even broke off some of your dates for me. I think I can return the service'

'Well I couldn't refuse coffee and pie with you' she said with a hint of a smile which he softly returned.

'Who's' Molly?' Carter asked

'A patient, I had today, she was nine looked more like seven. Had a really bad life, disturbing childhood' she stopped and sniffed not really wanting to discuss Molly any more.

This answer seemed to satisfy Carter though and he sat back further on the seat and made himself comfortable.

'Molly' Abby suddenly found herself continuing 'made me think of the shooting of....of losing the baby and everything. It's just not fair John I mean her parents didn't want her and I lost my child. I'm sorry this might be too hard for you. I don't want to make you hurt, bring things up you're not ready to think about, talk about with someone else'

'It's okay' he nodded 'And you're right it has made me think about what happened last year already when we were in the lounge. I cried a bit for my son, but it also made me realise that although the pain is still there it's not so bad so intense as it was. I don't ever want to forget him'

'You don't have to' she whispered feeling emotional again and knowing that he did too.

'Today, we'll talk about this, you and me, and you know it's okay to cry, grieve as much as you need to and if you want to cry another day, some where in the distant future or even a little way ahead then that's okay too.' he said.

Abby absorbed Carter words for a moment then said 'How do you feel? Now? About everything?

'Better than I did. I don't know if anyone really...' he stopped searching for the right words, 'gets over it completely. I think I've come to terms with it, but I don't think I'll ever feel like I did before, it's changed me Abby. I wanted at the time to crawl up in a ball and die, but now I feel like I'm living again. Does that answer your question?' He turned and looked at her and she nodded, then he asked 'Why did you say it was your fault, your punishment?'

She studied him for a while before answering 'When I found out I was pregnant I didn't know what to do, whether to keep the baby or not. Then when I was in the hospital and Fleur told me that I was still pregnant, I thought this must be a sign. A sign that I should keep the baby. In the hours that followed I got quite used to the idea. I would even admit to loving the baby growing inside me' here her voice faltered and she looked away from him.

'Go on' Carter said prompting her to continue.

Abby sighed, hoping that she would not cry in front of him again, but her emotions were all over the place today.

The she went on 'I even started to make plans of what I would do. Stupid huh?'

'No' he replied with a shake of his head 'Not at all'

'When I started getting cramping pains some hours later I knew it was too late, that I had been robbed of my fantasy that I had dared to dream'

Abby wasn't aware but her face was once again wet with tears and part of him wanted to wipe them away, but he did not want to spoil the moment of Abby addressing her feelings as he fought back his own tears.

'I just feel empty and I know that life doesn't work this way but I feel like losing the baby like I did is my punishment, for killing my baby'

'You didn't kill your baby' he said gently 'you had a miscarriage' Now it was his turn for his voice to break.

'No you don't understand' she continued 'I mean my other baby'

He looked at her puzzled by this last comment as she dared to meet his gaze and he said 'Your other baby?'

She nodded biting her lip and answered hesitatingly 'I had an abortion'

'Recently?' he managed to choke out.

'No' she whispered 'When I was married to Richard. I was scared John. Scared I'd be like Maggie. Scared the baby would be like Maggie'

'I know you're scared about passing on the disease but you might not even be a carrier' he replied 'Do you regret it?'

'What?'

'The abortion?'

'Not at the time. Sometimes I wish if only, but what's done is done now. I guess I've realised too late that I can be a mother, that I want to be'

Carter shook his head 'It's not too late, for either of us'

Abby puzzled somewhat by the mixed messages he was sending her with his eyes looked quickly away focusing the other side of the room. There was a silence, Carter wished he hadn't made that last remark as it left a kind of odd tension hanging in the atmosphere.

'So' he started in an effort to break the silence. 'You coping with everything else all right?' not wanting to say the wrong thing again, but he needed to know if she had thought about drinking. Not that he had noticed any signs, which indicated that she was.

Without looking at him she knew what he was implying and it was no good hiding it from him for she knew that somehow he would just sense it. 'I keep having dreams...you know about the shooting'

He made a noise so she knew that he was listening, absorbing what she was saying.

'Most nights....every night. Sometimes.... Sometimes it's about the baby too....mostly three men are chasing me'

'What do you do? To stop it?' he asked

'I get up make a hot tea or coffee and try to go back to sleep. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Once or twice when I felt really bad I've gotten up and gone to a meeting' she took this opportunity to glance at him, and he looked worried. Feeling the need to reassure him she added 'I've thought about it a couple of times, drinking I mean. But what would that solve, it would just make everything worse. I don't want to go back to that' she sighed again feeling tired for this honesty thing was wearying.

'Have you spoken to someone about it?' he asked secretly glad that she was stronger than she realised she was. Stronger than he would ever be.

'Oh only when I was in hospital and you today'

'Do you think you need to speak to someone else?'

'I'm okay Carter. I feel better now I've told someone, you'

He smiled slightly as he looked at her, she was still studying the rug but suddenly she turned at looked straight at him. Her expression a mixture of sadness and the beginnings of acceptance of what had happened clearly on her face. Need a hug his expression seemed to say and she in return nodded. Feeling secure in the haven of his embrace.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: Sorry for the delay in updating. Have upgraded computer and am having some teething problems. Thanks for your reviews, makes my day getting a message.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 15

A few Weeks later

Susan rushed into the ER slightly out of breath as she was late, to meet Abby. Abby she noticed as she stood by the door was at the desk chatting with Sam and Chuny, looking much more contented than she had several weeks previously. Whatever had gone on between her and Carter that day they both went home early had helped, whatever she, Abby was struggling with. Which Susan guessed had something to do with the shooting incident.

'Hey Abby sorry I'm late' Susan said coming up to the desk after getting her breath back.

Abby turned and gave Susan a mock frown before smiling at her then said 'Ready?'

Susan nodded and they said goodbye to the staff at the desk and headed out into the afternoon sunshine and then on to the El.

'Okay so I know there's not long to go and Christine from the creche recommended this place which sells reasonable almost ready to go dresses' Susan told Abby

'As long as it's not pink' muttered Abby

'What?' asked Susan

'I mean' went on Abby 'if it's pink, I've got one hanging in my closet, only worn it twice'

'You've worn the same bridesmaid dress to two weddings?' Susan asked surprised

'No' replied Abby 'I wore it once as a bridesmaid dress and then again' she paused and added 'in an emergency'

Susan looked at her with a puzzled expression on her face 'Why would you want to wear a bridesmaid dress in an emergency?'

'A formal date emergency' then she added for good measure 'And I don't want to wear a bright pink dress again'

'You know Susie asked to wear pink' Susan stated 'And I've already promised, she already having it made'

'Well you can let her and I'll wear....what colour are you wearing?'

Susan hesitated before answering sheepishly 'White'

Abby raised her eyebrows at her friend and managed 'Really?'

'It's my wedding'

'You've married him once already'

'And it was annulled. I was drunk when I got married before and I didn't get to dress up or anything. This time I'm going to do it properly. And another thing' Susan went on with Abby smiling at her 'if I decide I want you to wear pink you'll wear pink, okay?'

Abby gave Susan a small salute and said 'Sure'

'I saw that' Susan answered with a half grin on her face, which made Abby smile all the more.

They arrived at the store and entered. Susan had Abby try on about every pink dress in her size that was there, which seemed like fun to start with but became quite tedious.

'For goodness sake Abby at least smile, then I can decide if the dress is right or not' Susan complained as Abby came out from the cubicle wearing a pout as well as a dress.

'You know' Abby started 'The dress I put on three dresses ago was fine'

'Turn around' Susan said ignoring Abby who grudgingly complied.

After a further half an hour and another three dresses later Susan finally said 'You know you were right that dress, how many dresses ago was it? Six?'

'Seven'

'Yeah well that one was the best'

'Great can we buy it already. I need to get out of here'

And Susan for the first time that afternoon agreed with her without hesitation.

0o0

Abby enjoyed the leisurely start to her day off, not having to get up at the crack of dawn was bliss and she had laid in bed until ten. She had considered staying there another hour but she wanted to catch Carter at work.

Abby stood at the desk and said 'Hi Jerry seen Carter?'

'I thought you were off today?' Luka said to her as he approached the desk

'I am, I'm looking for Carter, seen him?'

'Yes he took a break went out to get some fresh air' Luka told her

'Thanks' she replied as she headed back to the doors.

She instinctively knew somehow that he would be sitting by the river and he was drinking a coffee as she quietly sat beside him on the bench.

'I could have worked your shift' she said softly

'They were short of attendings' he replied staring out in front of him 'Beside you need a day off too, you've worked what? Fourteen days in a row, some twenty-four hour shifts'

'But I have made time to see my friends' she protested

'Still need a day off' he told her

'I knew you'd be here' she told him

'How did you find me?'

'I went into work, they said you needed some air' She touched his arm 'I also know why you're here' she took one of his hands in both of hers, comfortingly.

'I can't believe a year's gone by' he said to her

'It's okay' she replied 'To cry, vent whatever, I mean, you don't have to be strong for me. I understand, it's okay John'

He turned to look at her and she met his gaze as the understanding and comfort and tenderness flowed between them.

He nodded 'I'm okay' he said giving her a brief smile then added as he squeezed her fingers in his 'but thank you'.

And they sat there for a while, together.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: Thanks for reviewing. ER-Carby-Luva what didn't you understand? Tell me and I'll try to explain or maybe it will become clear as you read this new chapter.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 16

July 2005

'Not invited to the wedding then?' Frank asked Carter as he came on shift.

Carter who had been working since six that morning grunted an unintelligible reply.

'Didn't catch that' Frank added

'I'm off at six, I'm going later'

'Miss the ceremony though' Frank told him

'We can't all attend the wedding, there be no one here' Carter replied getting irritated with him

'Yes I know that but I thought you'd be there'

'I'm not' he replied stomping off before he said something he might later regret.

0o0

Susan looked stunning Abby thought even in white and Susie looked pretty cute in her baby pink dress too. Abby was still not convinced that pink however pale was the right colour for her to wear. She couldn't name the shade, for although she owned several pink tops, pink was not a colour she favoured wearing.

Abby felt happy for Susan and Chuck and of course little Megan, who was also in pink, but sitting on the lap of Chloe. Abby stood next to Susie reflecting on her conversation with Susan earlier.

'I'm doing the right thing aren't I?' Susan asked having suddenly acquired last minute jitters.

'Do you love him?' Abby asked

Susan nodded 'Yes'

'You want to spend the rest of your life with him?'

'Yes'

'Well then? What's to worry about?'

'You're right. It's going to be fine, I'm just nervous'

'You don't need to be, it's going to be great'

Susan took a deep breath and replied 'Yeah. Yes it is'

And here they were married, the congregation started cheering as Chuck and Susan shared a kiss which brought Abby back to the present and she smiled.

o0o

'How did it go?' Carter asked Luka as he came on shift

'Good. They seem to be very happy. What have we got?' he asked in return, referring to the patients Carter was handing over to him.

'Possible kidney stone in four, chest pain and a fracture in one. One, two, three needing suturing, projectile vomiting also in four and no trauma at present. Last one went to OR about an hour ago'

'Right. Go and have fun looked like the party was really starting as I left' Luka told him. Then as Carter moved off Luka added 'By the way she'll take your breath away'

Carter stopped in his tracks, turned around and asked 'Susan?'

'No, Abby. She looks beautiful, a bit self conscious but really beautiful. Don't get me wrong Susan looked great too, but I didn't think you were interested in her the way you are about Abby'

o0o

Carter arrived at the celebration a little later than he had planned, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves and he made a beeline for Susan and Chuck, where he offered his heartfelt congratulations, before heading off to find some colleagues from the ER.

He had been sitting at a table with Jing-Mei, Chuny, Jerry, Randi and Haleh for about quarter of an hour and still hadn't spotted Abby. His curiosity had got the better of him and he said ' Seen Abby?' as casually as he could to the others.

'She went off with Megan and Susie a while back' said Haleh

'Oh' said Carter nodding, trying to appear uninterested as possible, while his eyes were darting all over the place to see if he could catch sight of her.

'She looks really pretty today' said Randi

'What? Oh really' replied Carter turning to her and then back to the throng of guests.

They looked at Carter and Jing-Mei and Randi laughed.

'Don't tease him' said Jerry but Carter appeared to be oblivious.

'What? He's not even listening to us' Randi told him

'It's a shame she's disappeared' Jing-Mei commented

'She'll be back soon' Haleh said 'She can't have gone far'

o0o

Susan spotted Abby, Susie and Megan as they entered the room.

'I was about to send out a search party' joked Susan

'There was a line and then they were blocking the baby-changing bit, so it took longer than expected' Abby explained handing Megan over to Susan 'Next time you can change her yourself'

'Oh but that's what bridesmaids do Abby, they help the bride and I needed you to do a diaper change and restroom stop'

'I'm sure that kind of 'help' is not listed in any wedding guide book'

'Since when do you read stuff like that?' Susan asked

'Never, just a hunch'

'Oh right, you've made your point. Thank you' Susan said and Abby smiled.

o0o

Carter finally saw Abby on the opposite side of the room chatting to a guy who seemed to resemble Chuck, but was taller with dark hair. Chuck appeared to be introducing Abby to this guy whoever he was.

Carter shifted slightly in his seat to a more upright position and started biting his bottom lip as he watched them. Luka had been right about one thing she looked stunning. How Susan had persuaded her to wear a pale pink dress he didn't know, maybe it was because the design cleverly hid Abby's recent scar. Which he knew she was rather self-conscious of, as it was still as new scars are, still sticking out like a sore thumb.

When he focused back on Abby he realised that she had started to dance with this guy, which irked him rather more than he would care to admit.

'If you want to dance with her you'll have to get in there' Jing-Mei said to him

'What?' Carter replied

'Don't play dumb with me' she said

He sighed and answered 'She seems to be having fun with whatever his name is. Doesn't need me butting in'

'She doesn't know you're here' put in Randi

'Why don't you go and ask her?' Jerry suggested

'She won't see you if you sit here all night' added Chuny

'You know you want to' Haleh said

Carter turned and looked around the table at them all and than back to Abby.

'Look the song's finished and some other guy has asked her to dance' he said

'Honey you can make excuses all evening but it won't help you get a dance or two with her' Haleh told Carter. 'In fact I'd like to dance, Jerry?'

'Yeah sure' Jerry said and off they went

'You know that guy over there is kind of cute' commented Jing-Mei

'What the one sitting with two other guys?' asked Chuny

'Yes that's the one'

'Why don't we three head over there?' suggested Randi

'What about old grumpy here?' asked Jing-Mei as she pointed to Carter who gaze was fixed on watching Abby.

'If we leave him alone it might make him buck his ideas up' said Chuny

'Good idea' said Jing-Mei and Carter was left sitting on his own.

o0o

It took Carter another ten minutes or so to realise that everyone had abandoned him and if he was honest he couldn't blame them he hadn't been very sociable. As he saw Abby standing at the side of the room still chatting with one of the guys she had been dancing with he took the initiative, got up and headed over to her.

'Hey' he said as he reached them

Her face broke into a smile as she returned his greeting. 'Hi. I thought you'd decided not to come or got tied up at work'

He shook his head and said 'No' Then he offered his hand to the man next to him and introduced himself 'John Carter'

The man shook his hand and replied 'Adam Martin, Chuck's cousin'

The three of them stood there awkwardly, the conversation had suddenly dried up and Carter knew it was because he had decided to appear at that moment. A few moments later Adam made some excuse and left Carter and Abby to it.

Carter sighed and said 'Luka said it went well earlier'

'Yeah it did'

'You look like you're enjoying yourself'

'I am' she nodded and looked at him and added 'You okay? You seem a bit odd'

'I'm fine' he replied and then after a pause added 'Care to dance with me?'

Abby turned to him surprised and said 'Why not'

Carter didn't know if he had made the right move in asking her to dance, now she was really close to him and he felt admiring her from a distance had been somewhat easier.

'You sure you're okay?' she asked him as they danced carefully round the dance floor.

'Uh huh' he replied for some reason feeling like a fourteen year old school boy.

They lapsed into silence and after a minute or two Abby suddenly said 'Okay, What? What is it?'

'What are you talking about?' he asked in return

'I don't know you seem to have something on your mind'

'I've just been thinking'

'What?' she asked more softly this time

'Oh no, nothing to.. er.. Worry about, um I've been thinking about you'

'Me?' she said giving him a shy half smile

'You know' he began 'you look very smart' he blurted out in attempt to say something encouraging and also to try and alter the way the conversation had started.

'Smart?' she said laughing

'Oh no well, I didn't mean smart. I meant beautiful'

'Oh'

'Not that you're not smart, intelligent, smart I mean'

'Carter' said Abby amused 'What are you getting at? You're more jittery that Susan was this morning'

'Sorry' he replied

'Don't need to be'

'Can we start again?'

'That would be the best thing you've said all evening'

'Good' he said then added in a teasing tone 'Have I mentioned you look very beautiful tonight Ms Lockhart'

'I don't know' she replied playing along with him 'You might have mentioned it' she added with a grin and the odd tension disappeared.

o0o

'I see he's got his dance' Chuny said to the others, which included the three men they had met.

'More than one, they've been on the dance floor a long time' commented Haleh

'It did the trick though, all of us leaving him alone' Jing-Mei added

'Have you noticed though, they seem to be getting cosier with each dance' mentioned Randi

'That's a good thing' put in Jerry and the others nodded.

o0o

As they danced Carter became increasingly relaxed the teasing he had endured from his colleagues earlier faded into insignificance.

He knew it seemed a bit silly, but he could not break the gaze, which he was sharing with Abby. The gaze which was becoming incredibly intense.

'You know' he said barely above a whisper

'What?' she replied as she look tenderly at him and smiled

He couldn't help himself when he replied 'When you look at me like that I feel like I'm the only person in the room with you'

o0o

Everyone had said goodbye to the happy couple and they had left the party. Some people went back to continue the party and others decided that now the bride and groom had left, they too would depart. One by one they left until two figures remained standing in the parking lot.

'Peaceful out here huh?' Abby said wandering off to a grassy area and sitting down on a bench she noticed there.

'You know you should check the bench is clean before you sit on it with that dress on' Carter told her.

'I don't think I'll be wearing it again. It was bad enough Susan insist I wear pink'

'I wondered how she persuaded you to wear it. It suits you by the way'

Abby sighed and said 'Susan had already promised Susie she could wear pink. I didn't get much of a choice'

She shivered and moved closer to Carter so that their bodies were touching.

'Cold?' he asked

'No not really' she replied

'You shivered' he told her

'Mmm it was like an involuntary shiver and opposed to a shiver with cold'

'Oh' he said, then there was a moments silence before he asked 'Did you get asked out for a date?'

'What?'

'By one of the guys who you were dancing with earlier?'

'And what if I said yes?'

He shook his head and turned away from her, she touched his arm gently.

'John?'

'What?'

'No one asked me out. I think Adam might have but you came along'

'Would you have said yes if he had?'

'No. Just because I was friendly with the guy doesn't mean I want to date him. Do you want to date every woman you meet?'

'No'

'Well then'

'I'd ask you out on a date, but I think we're way past the first date stage' he said turning to face her once more

'You don't want to date me then?' she asked

'I think' he muttered 'That we could maybe go out to dinner'

'As in a date?'

'You want it to be?'

She gave a small laugh and said 'You are something John Carter you know that. You never really tell me how you feel'

'What's that supposed to mean? You want to know how I feel?'

'About me, yes! Should I have asked one of the men I met earlier out on a date? Or have I been waiting until the time is right with you for nothing?'

'You want to know how I feel about you? After all that's happened, all we've been through' he asked their voices were now becoming raised.

'We haven't been through it all together' she pointed out

'You've always been in my thoughts, even when I didn't want you to be, you were there'

'That's supposed to be encouraging' she replied

'Abby' he paused 'How can I get through to you. I love you'

She looked at him, her expression stunned. Which reminded him of the day he proposed to her on the roof at County. Except this time she smiled at him, instead of yelling back as she had done last time.

'Why didn't you just say so?' she asked quietly

'I just did' he looked at her suddenly worried that he declaring his love had been at the wrong moment.

'Good' she said

'Good?' he asked

'Yeah well it makes it easier if we're both in the same place'

'The same place?' he asked

She cupped her hands around his face, so that he gave her his full attention and said tenderly 'I love you'

Then unlike the last time she had kissed him, several months ago at Christmas, she kissed him purposefully on the mouth, gently to start with until he began to kiss her back.

o0o

Chuck and Susan exhausted from their big day slept peacefully in their hotel bed close together that night. As several miles away Carter watched as Abby's dress slithered to the floor, before he moved to gently caress her. Her hands nervously lingered over her recent scars and he brushed them away, taking time to kiss the scars with tenderness, before taking her to the bedroom. Where they rekindled the passionate side to their relationship, with love.


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Sorry for the delay, my computer problems escalated and I had to get them sorted. Er-Carby-Luva I'm glad you figured it out. So anyway here is my next instalment.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 17

Two months later

'You know I still don't know why after badgering Weaver for three days off together, we've come here' Abby said to Carter as they stood looking down the empty street.

'I thought it was about time you got to come visit. Everyone has to sometime, right?' he replied

'I guess, but I'm not a kid anymore Carter'

'You don't have to be physically but there's a kid in the heart of everyone, somewhere'

'And we're going to spend all our time here?' she questioned.

'No' he said smiling at her 'Yes, I don't know, maybe. We're only here for today our flight back is lunch time tomorrow'

'I know. I believe Weaver said something along the lines of I could take one extra day off to my weekend and then she gave you three days, four if you include your rostered day off'

'Yeah' he said grinning 'It could have been worse she could have said no'

'Hmph' Abby replied 'Are we going to waste all our time standing here. I mean I do want to see it all'

'All?'

'Uh huh. Every ride'

'Every ride! You want to go on every ride?'

'I've waited a long time to come here'

'I know' he said smiling at her enchanted face. Whether she knew it or not this was the kid in her.

'What are we waiting for' she stated and without consulting Carter or the map she dragged him by the hand down Main Street and on to Splash Mountain.

o0o

As it turned out Carter was quite pleased to take in the sedate rides too. Such as the Monorail, for it meant sitting down for a bit and not doing much while he regained some of his energy. He had no idea that this would be more tiring than a hectic day at work.

As they sat there on the ride together, side by side, hands softly caressing, his mind began to drift back over the past couple of months with Abby.

It had surprised him the day they had gotten back together. He hadn't planned on telling Abby how he felt on Susan's wedding day, although it had building up for months. Well that was not quite true, as it had been there for years, but wanting to be with her like this again had been smouldering between them for a while. And he hadn't looked back once; this is where he wanted to be, with Abby.

Abby looked at Carter and seeing he was lost in his own thoughts, turned her head, looked out the window and soon became immersed in hers. The last two months had flown by; it was sort of like they had never broken up, but they both knew that they had. They both had gone through so much apart and finally found that where they wanted to be was together.

Very much aware of what had happened to destroy the relationship before and knowing that they couldn't go back to that again. But they had both changed in many ways and that she guessed was good. They had both grown in ways that she would never have imagined a couple of years ago.

Work hadn't been surprised in the turn of events with regard to their relationship. It had been accepted as if it was the most normal thing in the world to occur. Abby didn't want to be anywhere or with anyone except John Carter. It had taken her a while to realise, too long in fact, but now she knew and at the right moment, the right time they started over.

o0o

Several hours later they stood in Fantasyland looking at 'It's a small world'.

'Abby' Carter started 'I know you said you wanted to go on all the rides, but this?'

'Of course this, come on'

'You know it's not cool Abby, for me to go on something like this' he said with a sigh.

'Why are you worried about 'being cool' all of a sudden?' she asked

He not having a good enough reply in mind shrugged and followed her to the line.

'See' Abby said to him afterwards 'You liked it didn't you?' she smiled up at him.

He replied after a long pause 'It was kind of cute, if you like that sort of thing'

Then without thinking about what she was saying Abby said wistfully looking up at him 'You know we should come back here one day, with our kids'.

This time as she gazed at him he could see the love she had for him reflecting in her eyes. Still in her daydream she slowly walked off, leaving Carter staring at her, not quite sure if he had heard her correctly or not. When she stopped and turned round and with the tilt of her head asked him if he was going to join her, he decided that she had said what he thought she had and strangely and silently agreed with her.

o0o

They went out the park for some dinner some time later before heading back in, even though they had been everywhere Abby said there were some things she would like to do again. Tired as he was he couldn't help but pick up on her enthusiasm and head back into the park with her.

o0o

The light was fading and still they were there. It surprised him how busy it still was, almost as busy as during the day he mused silently to himself. They had planned their route carefully this time, repeating the rides that they had enjoyed the most and now having done everything they stepped aboard the riverboat for a sedate, romantic ride together.

She leant over the rail and looked out at the view, or what was left of it due to the fact that dusk was setting in and he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, and there they stayed in a comfortable silence.

'Thank you' she said to him

'Mmm?' he replied

'Thank you' she repeated 'For bringing me here, it's been great'

'You're welcome' he said huskily into her hair.

There was a moment of silence before he spoke again and when he did it was without forethought and very spontaneous of the moment.

'Abby' he began 'Will you marry me?'

She surprised turned to face him and looked deep into his eyes trying to see if he meant it or not.

Before she could reply he added 'It's taken me a while to realise, that only you can fill the space inside my heart Abby, and you do. I don't want to go on like we are, I want it to be forever'

Although he felt a little scared he took the chance and looked down at her face, trying to gauge her reaction. Slowly she smiled, looked away and returned her focus to him.

'Yeah' she said 'I think we're there in the same place. Wanting the same things. Yes'

He laughed then grinned and said 'You know I hadn't planned on asking you tonight I... just..'

'I know' she said tenderly 'But it was the right time, the right moment'

'I think' he added 'We've done enough talking'

And he captured her mouth with his in a kiss that left them both breathless.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: Well here we go wedding No. 2. Thanks for your reviews also for your reviews to chapter 16, sorry forgot to mention that in my haste to update last time.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 18

November 2005

It was a crisp cold day, but on the plus side the sun had filtered through the grey clouds, which had dispersed due to the breeze and now no longer filled the sky. Carter looked up and then down again, before straightening his tie, running his hand over his freshly shaved face as he waited for the car.

'You okay?' asked Jack

'Yeah' Carter answered

'Nervous?'

'Not about me and Abby. But everything else'

'Your Mother?'

'For one and Maggie and Eric'

'Abby's mother and brother'

'Yeah'

'They seemed okay yesterday when I saw them'

'Mmmm, well they might seem okay one day and then the next...' Carter shrugged

'I'm sure they will be fine' Jack said encouragingly

'I hope so' Carter muttered under his breath.

o0o

Abby sat quietly on a chair from the kitchen looking out the window of her apartment, seeming to those in the room with her that whatever what happening on the street below was of great interest. That however was not the case as her mind was on other things. Today. She wanted it to go well, but Maggie and Eric were here and she worried that the day would be a disaster.

If she had had it her way today would have been a quiet affair but Eleanor had gotten wind of it and then that was that. As far as Eleanor was concerned it was bad enough that her son was marrying a woman she didn't wholly approve of being good enough for him. So because of this, because Abby wanted it to go well and to be honest at the end of the day they would be married she let Eleanor have her way with a couple more things than she, Abby would have liked. Including the size of the guest list, which although Carter had informed her that by his mother's standards was still small, she couldn't help but disagree. Especially in the short space of time that they had arranged everything.

'Nervous?' Maggie asked putting her hand on her daughter's shoulder

'Nope'

'You seem like something's bothering you'

'I don't want anything to go wrong'

'Nothing's going to go wrong' Maggie said encouragingly

Abby looked up at her with a 'yeah right' expression on her face.

'Oh Abby, everything's going to be fine'

Abby however still couldn't get the image of Eric falling into Millicent Carter's grave out of her head. Having thought that though Eric now seemed much better and was as far as she could tell on his medication and seemed to have his life back on track.

o0o

After all the worry and stress the first part of the day, the most important part of the day went well. Without any problems or upsetting occurrences, which pleased everybody, especially Abby and Carter. They were very much relieved when it was announced that they were husband and wife. Then they both savoured the moment where they got to share a brief but satisfying kiss. Now they had to get through the reception.

Carter and Abby agreed however that given the choice they would much rather be able to slip away and not have to face everyone again at least not all together anyway.

o0o

The meal was over, the cake was cut and several people had already had too much to drink. Abby was off someplace chatting to Susan who had arrived all flustered about something and Carter was standing surveying the people around him when Jack approached.

'It's been a good day' Jack commented

'So far' Carter responded

'What do you expect to happen?'

'The unexpected'

'If you're worrying about Eric, he's been fine'

'Yeah, I know'

'Who's that?' Jack asked pointing to a tall blonde woman, who reminded him of someone he knew a long time ago, a lifetime ago.

'What?' asked Carter 'Who?'

'Her' said Jack indicating the passing woman with the bottom of his wineglass.

'Oh, well that's Fleur. She's a surgeon, I don't know what to make of her she's a bit distant. Abby gets on alright with her, says she thinks Fleur is lonely. To be honest I probably wouldn't have invited her. Not that I dislike her, it's just..... I don't know'

'What's her last name?' Jack asked curiously

'Buchannan' Carter replied

'Where's your wife?' asked Eleanor coming up to join them 'You've been married five minutes and already you are apart'

'She had to go talk to a mutual friend' Carter told her. The silence was heavy as the three of them stood together until Carter said 'There she is' indicating Abby and went off to see her, relieved to be away from them as the tension was unbearable.

Jack and Eleanor stood there in silence for a few minutes and then both made the effort to make small talk for appearances sake, but that soon dried up and they stood there feeling rather uncomfortable with each other. They were still standing there together when Fleur walked past again.

'That woman' said Eleanor

''Who?' asked Jack playing innocent but knowing exactly what his ex-wife was talking about

'Her' said Eleanor subtlety pointing to Fleur 'She reminds me of that woman who used to work for the foundation. If it hadn't been what? Thirty or so years ago I would have sworn in was her. What was her name Jack? You must remember?'

Jack did but tried not to let it show. 'You sure?' he said

'Of course I'm sure, oh what was her name ummm....' she paused thinking and then added 'Yes that's it Julia. Julia what? Can't you remember Jack?'

Jack not wanting to prolong the conversation too much responded by saying 'Buchannan. Julia Buchannan'

'Yes' Eleanor answered 'That's it Julia Buchannan'

o0o

'Hey' said Carter as he reached Abby and kissed her on the cheek. 'Susan?'

'She's gone back to County'

'Already?'

'Yeah, her Dad had a MI last night'

'Oh, he okay?'

'Stable now but still in ICU'

'Did she work this morning, with her Dad ill upstairs?'

'No she's been up in the ICU with him' Abby replied worried about her friend

'Hey' said Carter pulling her into his arms 'He'll be okay'

'I was thinking about Susan' she told him quietly sighing and snuggling into him as he rested his chin on her head.

They stood there for some moments in a comfortable silence.

'We could stay' he finally offered

'What?' she replied

'Not go away, stay here, instead of having a honeymoon'

'Oh'

'What do you think? Then if something happens we'd be here for her'

Abby pulled out of his arms and looked at him. 'She wouldn't want that, she'd be mad at us'

'Mmmm, probably. But if it'll stop you worrying, maybe we should'

Abby sighed and said 'I thought the day was going well, too well. Maybe I'll ring her talk it through with her'

'Okay, we'll do that' he agreed and added 'Watch out my mother is heading this way'

Abby looked up to where Carter indicated and sure enough there strode Eleanor Carter, who stopped when she reached them.

'When I told you to find your wife I didn't mean that you should stand talking together, I meant you should socialise' she told her son.

Who as she looked away shared a look with his wife of exasperation.

'I think' he said to Abby in a effort to make an escape 'We ought to have a dance'

He offered Abby his hand and she took it and Eleanor said 'Well that's a good idea, in fact I was just about to suggest it myself'

Carter and Abby smiled as they walked up to the dance floor.

'You know' he said 'This is becoming quite a habit'

'What?'

'This, you and me dancing'

'Mmmm, make the most of it I don't know when you'll manage to get me up on the dance floor again' she replied and he just grinned.

o0o

Abby walked up to Carter and he put his hand on the small of her back and led her away so that they could talk in private.

'Well? What did she say?' he asked

'No' Abby said 'She said no. Go enjoy yourselves she said. She said thank you but she'd be okay. Chuck was supportive and she had Megan and Weaver had been surprisingly sympathetic'

'You were right'

'Of course, I know Susan well. As you do, but in a different way, I guess'

'A girlie way huh?'

'Well you've known her a very long time and you know she values your friendship'

'Yeah' he answered. 'So we're going then, to the Cayman islands?'

She nodded and smiled and said 'Your mother's looking at us wondering what we're doing here in the corner together'

'Maybe we should give her something to wonder about' he replied

'Such as' she asked

Carter didn't give Abby a verbal reply instead he held her close and kissed her in a manner that he had wanted to since he had first seen her that morning and Abby responded as he knew she would.

o0o


	19. Chapter 19

An: Thanks for your comments and now the story continues.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 19

December 2005

He softly trailed a series of kisses up her body before fastening his mouth on hers.

'Good morning' he said eventually when they parted for air.

'Mmm. What time is it?' she asked lazily, contented to stay right where she was.

Carter shifted his head to look at the clock 'Five after six' he responded turning back to Abby and leant down to nuzzle into her neck.

'What?' she exclaimed sitting bolt upright in bed and causing Carter to bang his nose.

'Oww' he muttered

'What?' she said again glancing at him and realising what had occurred then added 'sorry'

She climbed hastily out of bed and entered the bathroom for a few moments before reappearing and throwing on the first garments she could find, then tying her hair into a scruffy ponytail.

'What are you doing?' Carter asked amused as he watched her obvious panic.

'I've got a shift. Why didn't you wake me?' she replied

'I thought you weren't on 'til six' he answered

'Six yes' she said pointing to the clock in frustration

'Six tonight' he clarified

'No I'm on 'til six tonight, start at six am' she told him with the emphasis on the 'til.

'Whoops' he mumbled

'Weaver is going to kill me, everyone else won't let us live this down. You know that don't you?'

Carter just laughed and said 'It's not that bad'

Abby said 'It's okay for you, by the time you get into work I will have endured all the teasing already'

o0o

It wasn't until sometime that afternoon that the pair met up again in the corridor of the ER.

'How's it going?' Carter asked Abby.

She gave him a look which said 'how do you think'

He replied by giving her an apologetic look. He himself had endured teasing when he had arrived for his shift a couple of hours before.

'So' he said in an effort to change the subject and also to clarify a few things he had hoped to discuss with her before she went to work. 'I invited Dad for Christmas' he paused then added 'like we discussed'

'Fine' she responded then asked 'Carter?'

'Yeah?'

'I've been thinking, maybe we should ask Fleur to join us too'

'Fleur?'

'Yes'

'I know she's lonely but...'

'She hasn't got anyone John. She tries to work all the holidays and if she doesn't she sits at home alone'

'Sounds slightly familiar' he said

'I may have worked all the holidays but I still had my mad family and some good friends'

'Mmm' he said thinking about it.

'It's only for a few hours' she added

'You already asked her?' Carter asked

'No, of course not' Abby told him

Carter nodded 'Okay I can't see that it'll hurt'

o0o

Christmas 2005

Carter and Jack sat in the lounge chatting and waiting for Fleur to arrive and Abby to finish work. Carter suspected that Fleur would arrive before Abby and when the doorbell rang he knew he was right.

He leapt out of his chair and went to answer it. Jack could hear muffled voices in the hall and knew that he was going to meet the woman he had seen at John and Abby's wedding.

Carter ushered Fleur into the lounge and said 'Fleur this is Jack Carter, Dad this is Fleur. Did you meet at the wedding, I can't remember?'

When Jack didn't speak Fleur said 'Hi' and offered her hand which Jack shook.

Jack replied by saying 'No, I don't think we met'

They spent the next fifteen minutes or so making small talk and discussing work before Carter looked at his watch, then excused himself so that he could check on the dinner.

After Carter left the room there were a few moments silence before anyone spoke.

In an effort to break the silence Fleur said 'Mr Carter'

'Jack' said Jack

'Jack' said Fleur 'Abby didn't tell me, I didn't know that you would be here'

'That make a difference?' he replied politely but somewhat coldly.

'I don't want to intrude'

'You're not intruding, can't say I'm not curious though' There was another awkward silence between them before Jack added 'You are Julia Buchannan's daughter?'

'Yes, that was my mother's name' she answered in a quiet voice.

'You want something from the Carter family?' he asked his tone somewhat accusing.

'No'

'Mmm. You not after money or anything?'

She looked at him straight in the eye clearly hurt by his comments. 'I think' she started then said 'I know, I know that the Carter foundation provided money for my education and medical training. I guess I should thank you'

'My mother Millicent, insisted upon it. Said it was the least we could do under the circumstances'

'I could have done with some emotional support I had no one' she said keeping her voice neutral, which came from years of experience of hiding her real emotions, when inside she wanted to run home and have a good cry.

'I'm sorry' Jack said a little less harshly. Then added 'we can't reverse the past'

'You know I'm a surgeon, I have a good job why would you think I wanted your money?'

'Revenge perhaps?'

'Keep your money. I have no use for it. What I needed as I said before was love'

Jack couldn't respond to this so instead he said 'You know you look like her'

'Pardon'

'Julia, your mother, you resemble her'

'Mmm. I haven't really thought about it. I mean I've only got a couple of pictures, she died when I was three. When you're that young you kind of forget how people looked'

o0o

Meanwhile Abby had arrived home and had joined Carter in the kitchen.

'They seem to be getting on okay' he told her

'You think so?' she replied 'When I came in they were sitting in silence, that's why I put some music on. Maybe it was a mistake'

'What? No, you're right she's lonely and needs to meet new people. How was work?'

'Busy. They wanted me to stay on even longer than the couple of hours I already did. Said I'd go in at six' she told him

'Yeah well I start then anyway, I guess that way we might see each other'

'That's what I thought' she said.

'Did Susan leave on time?' he asked

'Yeah. she had to go pick up her Dad who's still not recovered as expected'

'Mmm' Carter said thinking about Susan and the worry she had had with her father the last six or seven weeks.

'Are we going to dish this up or not?' she asked him 'I think I'm beginning to smell burning'

'Yeah right'

'Carter'

'What?'

'I'm not joking' she said pointing to the stove where he hastily retrieved his burning sauce.

o0o

The sauce however could not be saved and so they went without. The remainder of the evening went well. Both Jack and Fleur made an effort to get along although they really could have done with sitting alone together for a few days to discuss what they had so successfully skirted that evening.

Fleur left for home exactly three hours after she arrived and Jack excused himself and went to bed leaving Carter and Abby curled up on the sofa together.


	20. Chapter 20

AN: Thank you if you took the time to review, I appreciate it. I feel this chapter is rather short but hopefully not without feeling.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 20

March 2006

'Abby!' Carter called as he entered their house late one dreary March afternoon.

He shook himself out of his coat and hung it up before walking through the house to the kitchen, where he thought about making a tea, and filled the kettle with water. Then deciding that he couldn't be bothered he took a orange juice carton out of the fridge and downed the remainder of it's contents before throwing it in the trash.

'Abby' he called again and still there was no reply.

He walked back through the house, ascended the staircase in the hall and went to check their bedroom. Still no Abby.

'Abby!' he shouted before looking in the other upstairs rooms, all the other rooms except one.

Carter stood on the landing outside the room that was never used and looked intently at the handle. Pausing he reached for it and carefully turned it, opening the door slowly.

There she sat, sitting against the wall and looking out of the window of the empty and half decorated room. She didn't acknowledge him but he went and sat beside her anyway.

'What's going on?' he queried.

Abby turned and looked at him, she looked wistful, sad almost.

'Nothing' she eventually replied.

'Why are you sitting in here?' he asked

She shrugged and shook her head and looked at him, when she realised that this reply didn't satisfy his interest she said flatly looking away as she did so 'My period started'

'Oh' he answered 'Well....um...'

'Why?' she asked him

'Why what?' he asked

'Why when I'm ready to have a child it doesn't happen?'

'Oh' he said and took a deep breath before continuing ' I don't know' He reached for her hands, enveloping them in his 'You're cold' he stated.

'We turned the heat off in here remember?' she reminded him.

He nodded remembering, this room which initially was going to be his son's nursery. But now was empty, except for the present moment as he and Abby sat there.

'You know' he started 'It hasn't been that long'

'What?'

'That we've been trying. It's only been a couple of months'

She sighed heavily and said 'I know, but when we didn't try admittedly with other people. But when we did try or plan it, it happened'

'Yeah' he agreed then asked 'You haven't been upset about this before, why now?'

'Susan' she replied

'Susan? What she been teasing you or something?' he asked

'No. No nothing like that'

'What then?'

She glanced at him the looked away as she said 'She's pregnant'

'Really?' said Carter surprised

'Yeah it wasn't planned or anything, she really excited though. It's due sometime in October' she told him, her voice becoming almost inaudible.

He pulled one of his hands out of hers and put his arm about her slight shoulders, pulling her close to his body.

'We just have to be patient Abby. I'll happen'

'But what if it doesn't?'

'We just have to believe that it will' he told her and she put her arms around him and there they sat until the natural light completely faded.

'Come on' he finally whispered standing, taking her hands in his and pulling her up to stand with him.

'Come on what?' she quietly asked as they walked out onto the landing and Carter switched the light on.

'Tea'

'Tea?'

'Uh-huh, when I got in, I don't know about half an hour ago I was going to make a tea. So?'

'Okay'

'And maybe we could order take out and I won't have to endure your cooking' he teased lifting some of the anxiety that had been with them in the bedroom.

'Hey my cooking is not that bad' she said following his lead and playfully hit him on the arm

'Oww' he responded

'Oh don't be such a baby' she said stifling a laugh

'I think you need to kiss it better' he told her

She looked at him and raised her eyebrows as he looked at her with his puppy dog expression.

She sighed and said 'okay' before giving in and kissing him on the arm.

'Abby' he started. 'I'd feel better if you'd kiss me here' he said pointing to his mouth.

'Would you now?' she asked.

He nodded and without giving her the opportunity to argue over it he leant down and kissed her. It was some long moments before they came up for air.

'Now about that tea' he said and they headed downstairs together.

o0o


	21. Chapter 21

AN: Thank you for your comments, to those who are worried about the way the last chapter looked to be heading, hang in there okay.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 21

June 06

The loud ringing of the telephone shook Abby out of her thoughts and she moved from the stove to pick up the handset.

'Hello?' she said

'Abby' said an excited sounding Eric

'Oh no' Abby thought 'he's off his meds' but she didn't ask, instead she said 'Eric. How are you?'

'Fine. More than fine, great, wonderful'

'Really?' she asked somewhat unbelievingly

'Guess what?' he asked ignoring her comment

'What?' she said

'You'll never guess' he told her

'So tell me' she urged

'I'm going to be a Dad. Isn't that great' he told her his voice brimming with pride.

'Yeah it's great Eric'

'You don't sound pleased' he said

'I'm ..... I'm just...... It's a surprise. I didn't know you were even seeing anyone'

'Yeah well it did happen rather unexpectedly. I met Miranda at a New Years party' he explained

As he spoke Abby decided that her initial reaction had been incorrect, he was still on his meds. 'How's Mom?' she asked

'Fine. Really happy to be a Grandma. She said it's your turn now'

'Mmmm' said Abby not committing herself

'So? You and Carter' he said hinting

'Me and Carter what?' she asked

'Going to make me an uncle?'

'You'll just have to wait and see' she told him as light-hearted as she could then added 'I'm happy for you if this is what you really want'

'It is Abby' he replied and Abby hoped that it was true especially for Miranda and the baby.

o0o

A few days later Abby was out with Susan.

'Ill have a coffee and pie' Abby said to the waitress.

The waitress looked at Susan who said 'Um, Chamomile tea and pie please'

The waitress scribbled their order down and left them to it.

'So' said Abby 'Still on herbal tea then?'

'Coffee still makes me nauseous' Susan admitted

'You okay apart from that?' asked Abby

'Yeah I'm good'

'How's your Dad?'

Susan shook her head and said 'So, so. I'm waiting for the next MI to strike. What's been happening with you?'

Abby studied her for a moment and said 'I'm going to be an Aunt'

'Wow. Eric?'

'Of course Eric'

'Sorry it's just a surprise. When's the baby due?' Susan asked

'January. I was surprised too. I just hope it will work out. You know with Eric and his meds and everything'

'He seems, after his initial protest of the diagnoses, coping pretty well'

'Yeah'

'How's Maggie?' Susan enquired

'Ecstatic'

'What about you? How do you feel about it all?'

Abby shrugged and said 'I don't know, it just seems like everyone else is pregnant except me. I'm happy for him, if that's what he truly wants, but a part of me is scared for him'

'In what way?'

'Scared that he's not ready to handle such a responsibility'

'He's not alone, there's his girlfriend'

'Yeah. Does she know what its' going to be like. I mean what it could be like with Eric?'

'Maybe she loves him so much that it doesn't matter'

'It may not matter now but what if he comes off his meds. Look at Maggie?'

'He's not your Mom Abby'

'No, you're right he's not. Let's talk about something else'

'Okay What?' asked Susan

'I don't know. You're usually the font of all the juicy gossip. What's new?'

So Susan proceeded to tell Abby all the latest most interesting pieces of gossip that she had acquired during the past day or two from Chuny, Pratt, Frank and Jerry.

o0o

Meanwhile in the ER Carter sat in the lounge a coffee in one hand and a half eaten doughnut in the other, when Luka entered.

'Hey' said Luka acknowledging Carter as he helped himself to a coffee and stood leaning against the counter.

'Luka' Carter replied

'So, how's married life?' Luka asked

'Good' said Carter nodding with a mouthful of doughnut.

'Abby doesn't seem happy lately' Luka commented

'She's not' answered Carter

'Why?' asked Luka who then raised his free hand in the air and said 'You don't have to tell me, it's none of my business'

Carter shook his head and said 'It's okay. Eric's gonna make her an Aunt'

'Oh and...?'

'And I guess she would have preferred it if he became an Uncle first'

'What about you? How do you feel about it?' Luka asked

Carter shrugged and said 'I don't know. I guess in a way I'm pleased. If and when it does happen I'm going to be scared as hell. I keep telling her it hasn't been a year yet and she tells me that neither one of us have had trouble in the past'

'Abby's been pregnant before? What happened?' asked Luka surprised

Carter nodded and said 'One abortion, one miscarriage' then he shook his head and said ' I shouldn't have told you'

Luka shrugged and answered ' I'm not going to tell anyone'

'Thank you' said Carter

'You need to give it at least a year before you worry. You both have stressful jobs. Try not to think about it' said Luka trying to be helpful but not really helping at all.

'Yeah easier said than done' replied Carter

'I suppose so' said Luka

They stayed as they were for a few moments lost in their own thoughts on the subject.

'I need an attending' yelled Malik crashing through the door 'Either one of you will do'

'I'm on a break' said Carter

'I'll go' said Luka setting his coffee down on the counter. 'What's the problem?' he asked Malik as he headed out the door.

Carter sat there in silence for a few minutes longer before downing the remainder of his coffee and went outside for a much needed breath of fresh air.

o0o

October 2006

Abby took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as she stepped out of the elevator and walked down the corridor, holding a large bunch of flowers, which were obscuring her vision somewhat. Which resulted in her crashing into a man walking in the other direction.

'Watch where you're going' said a familiar but rarely heard voice.

Abby moved the flowers over seeing for the first time, the man she had collided with.

They spoke at the same time.

'Abby'

'Richard'

'What are you doing here?' he asked

'Visiting a friend' she said 'You?'

He looked kind of proud and self-conscious at the same time when he replied 'I've become a father again'

'Really? Congratulations'

'I hear congratulations are in order for you too. I heard on the medical grapevine that you'd got married to Dr John Carter no less. Wasn't he the guy who took you to the charity function we met at?'

Abby ignored the question and said referring to her marriage 'That was eleven months ago Richard'

'Yes well. I hope you'll be happy. I mean it' he told her

Abby not knowing what else to say said 'Thank you' as graciously as she could

'I have to go' he finally muttered

'Sure, bye'

'Bye' he replied moving towards the elevator.

Abby couldn't believe it everyone she knew were either pregnant or just had a baby. Except her, it was just not fair. Putting her emotions aside she continued down the corridor watching the room numbers as she went. Finally she reached the door she was seeking and knocked before she entered.

'Hey' she said to Susan who was sitting in bed looking completely worn out.

'What took you so long?' Susan asked half teasing.

'Well I'm working. It's busy down there. I hope you appreciate this is my break' she replied giving Susan a half grin. 'Here, these are for you' she added laying the flowers on Susan's lap 'From everyone'

'Thanks. I'm never doing that again. Ever' she told Abby gazing down at her son in her arms. Looking up again she said 'Want a cuddle?'

Part of Abby wanted to run as fast as she could in the opposite direction, but the other half of her wanted to hold the baby close. She looked at Susan and gave her a smile as she extended her arms and they exchanged the infant. He felt soft and delicate but strong at the same time. As Abby's heart began to ache she pushed all her emotions back where they had come from and she studied the baby until she had completely gathered herself together.

'He quite heavy' she commented eventually aware that Susan had guessed some of the emotions she was going through right now.

Susan who had decided it would be better to ignore how Abby was unless Abby was willing to address it said 'You're surprised? Didn't it filter through the grape vine, how heavy he was?'

Abby shook her head and remembering her time as an OB nurse said 'He's not the heaviest newborn I come across'

'What do you call heavier?' Susan asked

'Well occasionally we'd get a ten, eleven pound baby, very occasionally a heavier one than that'

'That's comforting to know, as he was only 9lb 10' Susan said with the emphasis on only.

'Big enough' Abby conceded

'He was' agreed Susan

'Have you decided on a name?' Abby asked looking down at the sleeping infant wistfully before returning her attention to Susan.

'Lewis'

'Lewis Lewis or Lewis Martin?'

'Lewis Martin you fool' Susan said as they both grinned

'Well I was just checking I couldn't remember if Megan was Martin or Lewis'

'It's Megan and Lewis Martin' Susan clarified

'Just so I know' Abby said as her stomach made a loud noise from lack of food.

'What was that? Was that you?' Susan asked

'My stomach's protesting, it hasn't seen food for hours'

'You'd better go and get some. I don't suppose Weaver will like you collapsing on the floor from hunger. You'll make the ER look untidy'

'Thank you' Abby said wryly 'By the way he's beautiful' she added as she handed Lewis back to his mother.

o0o

Meanwhile at the desk in the ER Carter stood filling out a form when Luka approached.

'What's all that?' Carter asked Luka referring to a large amount of paperwork and other paraphernalia Luka was carrying.

'I'm going back to the Congo, Spring or Summer next year. Want to join me?' asked Luka

'Go back there?' Carter replied

Luka nodded and said 'Why not?'

'Abby'

'It's only for two weeks' Luka said

'I'll have to think about it' Carter told him

'You could apply, get you jabs. Even then you don't have to go, it's voluntary remember'

'Yeah, I remember' Carter answered.

0o0

Later that evening Abby and Carter managed to spend some time together. They had decided on an early night and now they lay in bed satisfied, sated and content in each others arms.

When his breathing and heart rate had returned to normal Carter said 'Luka's going back to the Congo'

'Really! When?'

'Sometime next year, you know what, he asked me to go with him'

'I'd prefer it if you didn't' Abby commented hoping that if she didn't make a big thing of it he would forget about it.

'I know' Carter said quickly. His mind not made up on whether he would join Luka or not. Then changing the subject he asked 'Did you get to see Susan and the baby?'

'Yeah. I went up there on my break. They're both good' she told him not wanting to relive every minute of the visit.

But because he knew her well he asked 'How do you feel?'

She sighed before she answered 'Okay, sad for us I guess. You know to the people we see everyday, colleagues, patients I look okay, but inside my heart is bleeding for what I almost had and lost'

'Me too' said Carter softly.

They lay there quietly reflecting on their day, Carter absentmindedly stroking Abby's arm.

'You know' he said after a while 'Practising makes perfect'

She raised herself off his chest and gazed intently into his eyes, with a wicked gleam in hers. He returned by looking at her questionably.

'That's the best suggestion you've made all day' she told him

'I believe it was also my idea to go to bed early' he said with a smile.

'I think half the trouble is we don't get time to practise enough at the right time of the month' Abby told him

'Yeah there is that. So? When is the best time?' he asked, his hands beginning to caress her soft skin.

'Now' she told him huskily as she leant over him and kissed him lightly, teasingly.

'Abby' he groaned.

'What?' she asked her eyes lighting mischievously before leaning down and meeting him for a kiss, which lead to a highly satisfying but mostly sleepless night.

0o0


	22. Chapter 22

AN: Thank you again for taking the time to review. I think there might be a couple of words in this chapter which I do not know the American equivalent for, if so I apologise.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 22

November 2006.

Carter walked up to the desk and flipped through the charts before glancing over to the jam packed board.

'Still pretty busy' commented Frank

'Mmm' Carter said in response 'Who's handing over?'

'Pratt, but he's in trauma one with the resident from hell' Frank continued.

Carter moved and looked through the door to trauma one where Yosh, Wendy, Pratt, Fleur and Abby worked on a patient. From what he could see it was not going well. The he walked back over to Frank.

'Why did you call my wife the resident from hell?' Carter enquired.

Frank was about to say 'the bitch is not to be argued with' but stopped himself just in time, as he didn't fancy going home to his wife and explaining a black eye. Instead he said 'She's grumpy, snappy you name it, must be PMS'

'Possibly' Cater replied thinking that she had been a bit short tempered the last few days, but he couldn't recall if it could possibly be PMS or not.

When at last they all filed out the trauma room Carter could tell by the look on their faces that they had lost their patient. Wendy and Yosh were immediately called elsewhere. Pratt walked up to him to hand over. Fleur and Abby as far as he could tell went to fill out some paper work on the other side of the desk.

After Pratt had finished informing him all that he needed to know for his night shift ahead Carter turned and looked round for Abby.

'Where did Abby go?' he asked no one in particular.

'Try the lounge' suggested Frank.

Carter sighed and stepped round the desk and walked into the lounge and there she was, extracting her coat and personal belongings from her locker.

'Hey' he said as he reached her.

'Hi' she replied giving him a half smile.

'You okay?' he asked concerned.

'You've been speaking to Frank' she said knowingly 'What did he say?'

Carter just look at her and raised his eyebrows, shaking his head as he did so.

So Abby continued 'That I was the bitch from hell'

'He didn't quite put it that way'

'That's what he implied?' she asked already knowing the answer.

Carter nodded and said 'So?'

'It's been a rough shift. I just need to crash out, shame you're working'

'You could stay here' he said joking.

'I don't think so' she replied and they shared a quick but meaningful hug.

'I need to get back out there' he told her as he turned to go.

'See you tomorrow ' she said and turned back to collect her things from her locker.

Outside the lounge he walked back to the desk where Fleur was just leaving.

'Dr Carter' she said acknowledging him.

'Fleur' said Carter 'You know, you don't have to call me Dr Carter, John or Carter is fine'

'John Carter' she said hesitantly not sure which to use.

'Not together, one or the other, either is okay. You've been here what two years?'

'Nearly two and a half'

'Well it's about time don't you think? You working tonight?'

'Yes' she said walking round the other side of the desk 'Maybe I'll catch you later'

'Carter' said Yosh

'What?'

'Can you take a look at this patient' he asked handing Carter the chart.

Carter scanned it over and said 'Where is he?'

'Exam one'

'Let's go'

o0o

Abby arrived home, flicked through her mail which was sitting on the kitchen counter before heading upstairs to prepare a hot relaxing bath. Feeling better she pottered back down to the kitchen to fix some food, before taking it back with her to the bedroom to eat dinner and watch TV in bed.

She woke to the sound of voices and at first couldn't understand why. But then realised that she must have fallen asleep with the television on. Sitting up quickly she blanched as a wave of nausea hit her and she dashed to the bathroom just in time. Some minutes later she crawled back into bed and thought about calling in sick but decided against it. Instead she headed back into the bathroom to take a shower. That done she stood in front of the sink brushing her teeth and rummaging through the cabinet for a new deodorant, when her eyes fastened on the box of tampons there on the shelf. She forgot about her search for the deodorant as she hastily dressed and rushed to the convenience store. She knew she was going to be late but she just had to know.

The downstairs bathroom was nearer so she went in there. Used the test and waited and smiled to herself, quickly putting it back into the box. In her haste leaving it on the side of the sink as she hurried off to work.

'It's eight ten, you're late' Carter said as she raced in and he in his street clothes was ready to depart. 'Can't blame me this time?' he said teasing her.

She grunted an unintelligible reply as she entered the lounge and everyone at the desk looked at each other.

'You're all going to have fun today then' Carter said sarcastically to them as they all agreed.

'Maybe you should take her back home with you' suggested Pratt

'Sorry no can do. I'm going home to sleep before I have to return for my night shift later'

'You're working another one?' asked Jing-Mei

'Tonight's my last, for a while anyway. I haven't seen Abby properly for a couple of weeks' he added.

Carter glanced at the lounge door and then saw Weaver walking down the corridor from the direction of the elevator, he made a split decision not to talk to Abby now but wait until later and he walked off in the direction of the exit.

'I think he's got the better deal' said Pratt as Abby emerged from the lounge 'Hey Abby' he called

Abby came up to the desk and said 'Yeah'

'Here' said Pratt handing her a large selection of charts 'You're late' he explained 'You need to catch up'

She in return glared at him as she walked off. Weaver approached the desk just after, asking the remaining staff why they were not working when the ER was so obviously busy. While wondering to herself if this was the reason all the new chief of emergency medicine doctors who had been appointed never lasted longer than a few months.

o0o

7.45 that evening.

Carter entered the ER that night and after popping into the lounge walked up to the desk and stood opposite Abby who was completing some paperwork.

'Abby' he said gaining her attention.

She looked up and smiled before returning a greeting 'Hi'

'Why didn't you tell me this morning?' he asked her.

'What?' she replied

'You know what. What you left by the sink. Is that why you were late?'

'Oh' she said realising what he was talking about 'That'

'Were you planning on telling me?' he asked irritated.

'Of course I was. I was late and you were leaving. I was waiting for the right moment'

'You could have taken me aside and said something, it would have only taken a minute' he told her his voice raised.

'I'm sorry okay. Why are you so mad anyway? I thought you'd be happy?'

'I am happy'

'Well it doesn't seem like it, you're yelling at me'

'You're yelling too'

'Only because you are' Abby stopped suddenly aware that they were not alone. She looked around at all the staff and patients staring at them.

Carter followed her gaze and said 'Let's talk about this in the lounge'

Abby walked round the desk and Carter took her elbow and led her into the lounge where they walked to the far end so that they could have as much privacy as possible.

They stood by the window a couple of feet apart. Abby with her arms wrapped around her body, Carter with his hands shoved deep inside his pants pockets.

'Look' she said being the calmer of the two. 'I'm sorry I didn't mention it this morning. It was mainly because I was late for work but also because I couldn't believe it was positive. To be honest I should have realised, I know as well as anyone in the medical profession the early symptoms, but until I got sick this morning it didn't even occur to me'

'You got sick?' he asked stepping forward and closing the gap. He took one hand out of his pocket, raised it as if to reach out to her, but instead dropped it back to his side.

Abby nodded 'I know I've been snappy, difficult to work, live with , but I didn't take the time to analyse why. I think also I'm waiting for the whole thing to sink in. I still feel in shock' she said smiling at him.

He laid a hand on her shoulder and said 'I'm sorry I yelled. You're right it's a bit of a shock, a good shock though, don't you think?' he said aware that he had over reacted.

She met his gaze and nodded 'It's what we both wanted'

'It is' he replied pulling her into his arms where they stayed for several minutes before a multi trauma rolled in and they both were needed.

o0o

Five weeks later and eleven weeks pregnant, Abby was going insane, she decided from the comfort of the sofa where Carter had insisted she sit, since the moment she had gotten home. She understood his reasons why, but it was driving her mad. He wouldn't let her do anything, apart from working her shifts.

Suddenly the telephone rang and she picked up the handset eager for something to do.

'Hi' she said

'Abby, its' Eric. I just wanted you to know Miranda had the baby. I'm a Dad'

'Congratulations' said Abby this time meaning it from the bottom of her heart. 'So what is it?'

'A baby'

Deciding Eric must be sleep deprived already she asked 'Aren't you going to tell me whether I have a niece or nephew?'

'Oh yeah a niece, we're gonna call her Lacey Erica'

'And they'll both good?'

'Yeah everything's great Abby'

They spoke for a few more minutes, before ending the call.

After putting the handset down Abby knew she was going to have to have this out with Carter. There was no way she could spend another six months sitting on the sofa being cosseted.

'What are you doing in here?' Carter asked as Abby came into the kitchen

'Helping'

'No I've got this'

'I want to help. I've sat down, now I need to do something'

He looked at her, his expression terse 'You can do something, you can go and sit down'

'I've had enough of sitting down John' He continued to regard her with the same expression on his face. So she added 'I know you're scared, probably not for the same reasons I am, but there's no need to wrap me in cotton wool'

'You think I'm being over protective?' he asked as his cheek twitched from the tension in his body.

'Yes' She said and reached over to touch his arm 'But I understand why'

'What do you think you understand?'

'That you're scared, scared you'll lose this baby too. But what happened with Kem is unlikely to happen again'

'You could still have a miscarriage' he said his tone flat.

'Don't you think I don't know that? Do you really think I would do anything I considered reckless or stupid?'

He looked her in the eye for long moments before answering 'No'

'I love you but this, this is driving me nuts'

'I don't think you fully appreciated my concerns' he told her before walking out of the room.

She followed him out into the hall where he was putting his coat on, 'Where are you going?' she asked

'For a walk. I need to think. Alone' he replied curtly

'What about the dinner you've cooked?' she asked

'Eat what you want. I'll eat later' he responded picking up his keys and opening the door. 'Ill try not to wake you when I get in' and then he was gone.

Abby sighed and leant back against the now closed front door, he had reacted as she feared he would and she worried that she had pushed him too far.

o0o


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Thank you for your reviews. I am sorry if some of you don't like all the angst, but I'm slowly working towards a happy ending here. Having said that there are some threads of the story I need to wrap up. I also hope to finish posting by next weekend or the following week as I seem to have a sudden burst of writing and am halfway through writing chapter 26 at present.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 23

One week later

Abby rubbed her eyes and wished that her shift would end, having wished that she didn't know if she wanted to go home. At least at work she and Carter could avoid each other, not that he was here today, Today he was off with Jack dealing with some foundation thing. The past week had not been good for them, he had come home late from his solitary walk, she in bed pretended to be asleep and he had got into bed and was soon snoring while she still lay awake.

He had been polite when she had tried to talk to him but nothing more, it was like they had suddenly become strangers at a time when they should have been enjoying their time together, planning. Although she admitted Carter probably didn't want to plan or get too excited just in case something went wrong.

She just wished that somehow they could work this out, even if it meant another fight, they had to clear the air and talk about their fears and dreams together. Exhausted and weary she pulled herself together to work out the remaining eight hours of her twenty four hour shift, a break would be welcome but they were busy.

o0o

'Lunch?' Jack asked Carter as the meeting broke for a hour.

'That'll be good' Carter said 'There's a good place a block from here. Been open a couple of months'

'Good let's try it' Jack said

They were sitting down waiting for their main course to arrive before Jack asked Carter anything personal 'How's Abby? Not working too hard'

'You know Abby' he said brusquely 'Can't tell her what to do'

Jack looked at Carter raising his eyebrows asking 'explain'

'I told her to take it easy but... well she won't listen to me. Wants to do what she feels she's able to'

'Shouldn't you let her. I mean it's her body she should know her limitations'

Carter looked at Jack and confessed 'I'm scared'

'Of losing the baby?' Jack asked and Carter nodded 'Have you told her?'

'She knows, she knew without me saying anything'

'So what's the problem?'

'I think I..... I know I upset her, cosseted her and she felt closed in'

'Oh. You had a fight. When was this? Yesterday?'

'Last week'

'And you haven't sorted it out John?'

Carter shook his head 'No, I've tried to avoid her if anything, and maybe she's doing the same she took a double shift today at the last minute'

'I don't think double shifts are a good idea, under the circumstances'

'I don't want to fight again with her, I love her. This should be a special time'

'Shouldn't you be telling her this?'

'Maybe, probably, yes' Carter finally admitted.

'Don't wait too long before you say something John' Jack told him

o0o

Rubbing her eyes wasn't helping this time Abby thought as she took her fingers away from her face. When her vision remained blurry she was just starting to think about sitting down, when everything went black.

'Abby, Abby' Jing-Mei's voice penetrated through the blackness.

Abby's head was pounding as she slowly opened her eyes and Jing-Mei came into view. Abby moved her head and looked around noticing that they had somehow managed to find her a bed in what looked like exam two.

'How are you feeling? We ought to run some tests' Jing-Mei said

'There's no need' said Abby sitting up quickly then regretting the action and lying down again 'I know what's wrong with me'

'You do? You sure?'

'Yes I haven't had a break or eaten and...' she stopped

'And what?' Jing-Mei asked

'I'm pregnant'

'Oh, I didn't know'

'It's not general knowledge'

'How many weeks?'

'Twelve'

'Wow you don't look...'

'Believe me without clothes I do'

'Maybe we should scan you to make sure everything's okay'

'It's not necessary, I'm due one soon anyway. I'll be fine in a few moments'

'I'll be the judge of that'

Abby not having the energy to argue and also knowing that as soon as Carter found out he would insist she have one anyway and she would have to come back to the hospital after work, agreed. 'Okay, but then I should get back to work'

'And then even if everything's okay I'm sending you home to rest'

'But...'

'No. Don't argue'

'Fine, whatever' Abby conceded knowing there was no point arguing anymore today.

o0o

As it turned out everything was fine and Jing-Mei asked Fleur who was going off shift to take Abby home. Back at Abby and Carters, Fleur fussed over Abby almost as much as Carter had during the previous weeks. She made Abby go to bed and said that she would stay downstairs until Carter returned home. Again Abby could not summon the energy to argue so accepted as gratefully as she could, surprised really as Fleur was not the kind of person to fuss over someone else.

o0o

Carter and Jack come noisily through the door a few hours later and both stopped in their tracks when they noticed Fleur sitting in the lounge reading a medical journal.

'Fleur' said Carter taken aback 'Abby in? I thought she'd still be at work'

'Dr Chen sent her home' Fleur said carefully trying to gauge his reaction.

His heart began to hammer in his chest while on the outside he tried to appear calm, collected, normal, but he didn't fool anyone least of all Fleur or Jack, maybe himself however.

'I don't understand' he said

'Maybe you should go and talk to Abby' she suggested

'You're not going to tell me right?'

Fleur shook her head and said 'Try and be quiet, she went to bed, maybe she's sleeping'

Giving his father and Fleur one final look he headed towards the stairs. This created an awkward atmosphere between Jack and Fleur.

'Coffee?' Fleur asked suddenly wanting something to do.

'Yes thank you' Jack replied.

o0o

Carter gingerly opened the bedroom door, Abby lay under the duvet her eyes shut and he suddenly realised he felt awful. He went over to the bed and brushed a few stray strands of her hair off her face, sensing this she tuned and opened her eyes to look straight into his.

'Come and join me' she whispered patting the bed beside her.

He kicked off his shoes and walked round the bed, clambering on the other side, resting his back against the headboard.

'Closer' she whispered again and he shuffled closer to her.

'Fleur said Deb sent you home' he said finally breaking the silence between them.

'She tell you why?' Abby asked

Carter shook his head 'She said I should come up and ask you. So?'

'I guess it was madness to think I could do a overtime, actually I would have been okay if I had gotten my breaks in, which I didn't'

'You didn't get a break?'

'We were swamped'

'Even so'

'You know I'm sorry about last week I didn't mean to upset you' she told him

'You haven't told me what happened today yet' he said

'Nothing serious'

'Abby, Deb wouldn't have sent you home for nothing'

'I fainted okay, that's all. Jing-Mei insisted I have a scan, and everything was fine, but she made me take the rest of my shift off'

'You got pictures?' he asked sad that he hadn't been there

'In my purse downstairs' she said 'John you don't need to worry, it was a one off. I promise in future I'll eat, take a break, now that everyone knows, they'll be more understanding'

'Everyone knows?'

'I think everyone who was on shift, you know how news spreads'

He nodded 'Yeah' and moved tentatively nearer and they met in an embrace.

'About last week' she said again

'I think you've apologised enough, it's my turn now' he started 'I'm sorry I walked away, I need to think, but everything kept going round in circles and it all made less sense than before I started thinking about it all. I love you and I'm not going my let being afraid stop us from being happy, looking to the future. I know I was a bit over protective but I was scared, I'm still scared and the fact that you know that I am, actually helps. Makes me feel like I'm not alone in this. I'm sorry too that I've put off talking to you'

'That was probably me too, I can be stubborn, determined too you know'

'I know' he said with a smile leaning over to kiss her, something they hadn't done for the past week, something which they both had missed.

o0o

Carter ventured downstairs some time later to find Jack watching TV and Fleur still reading her medical journal, tension from the pair hit him as he stood in the doorway to the lounge.

'You both want to stay for dinner?' he asked causing them both to look up at him.

'Yes, thank you' said Jack

'Fleur?' asked Carter

Fleur look undecided, she wanted to stay for Abby but not if Jack didn't want her to be there.

'Don't mind me' said Jack who despite everything that he had said last time he had met Fleur wanted to get to know her better.

Fleur looked at Jack and Carter suddenly felt as thought they didn't even remember that he was in the room with them.

'You want me to stay? After everything?'

Jack nodded, 'I've been thinking, it's over a year since we met. Maybe I was a bit harsh, if I was in your position I'd be curious too'

'What is going on?' said Carter scratching his head and not following this conversation at all.

They both looked at him suddenly aware that Carter was standing there.

'Maybe you should tell John?' Jack told Fleur

'I can only tell him the story from my point of view, not from yours, not from Julia's'

'Who's Julia? asked Carter now really lost.

'You need to sit down John' Jack said gently as Carter moved and sat on the sofa.

'Perhaps Abby should be here too' said Fleur

Carter looked from Jack to Fleur and then from Fleur to Jack lost for words.

'What's going on?' said Abby who was now standing where Carter had been moments earlier, having come down when Carter failed to return.

'Abby come and sit next to John' said Jack and Abby moved and sat next to him and he took her hands in his as he waited for the bomb whatever it was to drop.

o0o


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Thank you for your continuing reviews. Now here is the truth about Fleur and Jack. Which I have put off writing for a while but it's needed before the end of the story so here goes.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 24

Jack and Fleur looked at each other uncertainly, Carter was still looking confused and Abby who had not heard any of the conversation felt really out of the whole thing.

Jack finally said 'Fleur was going to tell John about....'

'Julia' supplied Carter

'Julia?' said Abby 'Who's Julia?'

Carter shrugged and looked to Fleur and Jack for some answers.

'I can't tell what I don't know' Fleur said to Jack 'I don't remember my mother really'

'Just tell me what you do know' said Jack forgetting that Carter and Abby were with him and Fleur again.

Fleur took a deep breath and started her tale 'My mother was called Julia Buchannan, she died when I was three in an MVA. I was born here in Chicago and we moved to New York state when I was a few months old to be nearer my maternal grandmother, who helped out a lot. After my Mom died I went to live with her, my grandmother that is. She was really old well I thought so at the time I guess she was in her seventies, my Mom had been about thirty six or so when I was born and my grandmother had had my mom when she was about forty. My grandmother had had two older children one son who died in Vietnam and a daughter who had died young from meningitis. So by the time my mother died I was the only close living relation she had. I don't know when my grandfather died when my Mom was growing up I think.

I liked living with her, she was strict but fair. However she suffered a minor stroke when I was seven, and although she came home and it was decided that she was fit to care for me I found that I was doing more and more about the home and ended up taking care of her. She suffered another stroke the following year and died. That's when my father's family stepped in. I didn't even know I had a Dad until then, not that I met him or anything' she stopped talking and looked Jack in the eye before continuing ' I did however meet my paternal grandfather, he had discussed my future with his wife my paternal grandmother and it was decided to put me in boarding school. I don't think they wanted to cause a family scandal, of course I wasn't aware of that at the time.

So, I went to school and I studied, I guess I was bright, but I didn't really have many friends. I had to leave all the friends I did have when I was sent away. At the time I felt like I was being punished. I know that's not how it was but I was a small child. Most the girls went to each other's homes in the holidays and well I couldn't do that, I didn't have a home. During the holidays to start with I stayed with some sort of distant cousin but when I got older, I stayed with a couple of teachers who were looking for extra income, so I became a bit of a loner and I studied. Eventually when I was about twelve I jumped a year, because I was so far ahead of the other girls my age. I don't know why I wanted to become a doctor, I suppose I wanted to do something useful with my life.

I found out who my father was I became of age, and yes it was a shock, and yes that's when it began to fall into place, when I realised that my father couldn't have had me go live with him when my mother died. I came to the conclusion that he certainly didn't love me and definitely didn't care, although I remained curious to find out what my father and his family were like. The fleeting meeting with my grandfather was all I had and now it's a hazy, sketchy memory. I often wondered. Was I like them? I have discovered since I have been back in Chicago that the answer is yes'

The room was filled with silence Carter and Abby were still rather confused as to what this had to do with them but Jack soon clarified that.

Jack said 'I didn't handle it well any of it when your mother died or Christmas before last when you were here for dinner'

'It must have been a shock' Fleur said

'It was, but the biggest shock was when I saw you at the wedding and I asked John your name, but deep inside I already knew. You look too much like your mother to be anyone else, even Eleanor, my ex-wife saw the resemblance between you and Julia, and she didn't know half of it. She didn't know I had an affair'

'I didn't want to cause trouble when I came back to Chicago, I wanted to find my roots, maybe see you. Then I discovered Dr Carter, John worked in the hospital where I had been appointed and as much as I wanted to get to know him, part of me was afraid'

'What were you afraid of?' Carter asked still frantically trying to figure out what was going on, he was beginning to form a picture but until someone actually said the words or words that led him to a concrete picture he couldn't really believe it.

'I wanted you to like me, not in the way it is with you and Abby obviously, but as a friend, as a sister. I always wanted to be a sister'

'Well you are a sister, right?' said Abby joining the conversation and getting the gist of it much sooner than Carter had. Possibly because she was more of a bystander in the situation than he was.

'My sister' Carter said slowly, wondering what his other sister was going to make of this strange turn of events. But it did explain some things, things which he couldn't understand about Fleur were slowly becoming clearer. 'So Dad, tell us about Julia'

'Julia' Jack felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car and knew that this was the point of no return. 'Julia, worked at the foundation, and as I've already said looked like her daughter, our daughter, my daughter'. He stumbled rather over the words as they tumbled out of his mouth. 'I don't know I guess your mother and I were going through a bad patch. Julia was there for me, talked with me, listened to me, one thing led to another. I slept with her, and somewhere along the line Fleur happened'

Then Jack directed his words to Carter 'You were only little at the time, about two years old. Then somehow Millicent got wind of it, don't ask me how, but she did. Kept tabs on Julia, made it difficult for Julia to stay with the foundation, but found her a position in New York State as Fleur said. I'm not sure but I think Millicent had some sort of contact with Julia's mother. I think that she wanted to know what her granddaughter was doing even if she wasn't welcome into the family fold as such. It was Millicent who insisted that we take financial care of Fleur and came up with the idea of boarding school. You're right Fleur, she didn't want the story to get out and I am ashamed to say I agreed with her and so in a way you were hidden from the Carter family of which you were, still are really a part of'

The three of them sat there and all fixed their gaze on Jack. Firstly, Carter knew that until he had slept on it, it wouldn't all fall into place. Secondly, Fleur was worried as she had never spoken about her past like this before to anyone. Thirdly, Abby who understood fully but was fighting hard to stay awake, due to the difficult day she had experienced, which had started about twenty eight hours previously.

'Are you mad John?' Jack asked

'It's a bit late to be mad over something that happened over thirty years ago. I feel numb'

'I'm sorry' he said to Carter then turned to Fleur 'I guess I owe you an apology too, sorry'

'It's okay' said Fleur nodding 'I've had all my life to comes to terms with it, if you reject me what have I lost. I had no family to start with. I did what I set out to do, I met my family'

'I think maybe you should go' Carter said

Fleur assuming he meant her said 'Sure. I've probably been here too long anyway'

'No Fleur' Carter said shaking his head 'I meant Dad. I need some space Dad. I've got to think about this, work it all through my mind'

Jack nodded wondering if they were ever going to sort out this mess he had got them into. He stood after looking at his children and let himself out.

'I really should be going' Fleur said some time later after sitting in a brooding silence with Carter.

'No, it's not your fault. If I were you I would have wanted to know, meet my family too' he told her 'Stay, I'll order take out, please?'

'Okay' she finally nodded 'But I think only two of us will be eating' she said pointing to Abby who was sleeping propped up on his shoulder.

He turned, looked and planted a kiss on Abby's temple then said I'll put her to bed, then order pizza, we've a lot of catching up to do' he smiled reassuringly at Fleur and she smiled back.

o0o

Carter switched off the downstairs lights and sat on the bottom stair reflecting on his day. So much had happened and he was still struggling to get his head around it all. It amazed him that Fleur wasn't bitter, he certainly felt betrayed by his father, all through his childhood, all the time he was growing into the man he was today, his little sister lived several states away and he never even knew she existed. He remembered when she had first started at County, there was something about her that he couldn't put his finger on, well now he knew what that was. He couldn't help but wonder why she had never said anything although he knew that wasn't her way of dealing with things. The fact that she had known ever since the first day they met, who he really was to her, hurt him more than he cared to admit.

Maybe she was a little odd but that was nothing new in his family and given her upbringing she turned out pretty good. Funny he thought that Abby should befriend her first, when nobody else made the effort, they just brushed Fleur off.

He wondered if she knew about Bobby, probably not he decided, they had mainly talked about their grandparents as Fleur wanted to know about them having met John Carter Sr.

Suddenly he heard movements above and ran up the stairs to see what was happening. As it was dark he half collided with Abby in the middle of their bedroom.

'John! she said surprised and still half asleep 'What are you doing?'

'I was about to ask you the same question'

'I had to go pee' she told him

'Oh right' he said feeling foolish 'Sorry'

'Are you coming to bed?'

'Yeah, now' he said stripping off his clothes and laying down beside her and she snuggled up to him, surprisingly enough he fell asleep almost immediately.

o0o

Carter awoke the next morning with a headache and it didn't take him long to remember why. He turned to see if Abby was still in bed and he met her gaze.

'You okay?' she asked 'You were mumbling in your sleep'

'Was I? What did I say?'

'Nothing recognisable'

'Did you know?'

'Know what?'

'About Fleur. I mean did she tell you anything before yesterday?'

'No, not really. She told me once she went to boarding school and that her Mom died when she was little but that was about it. She never really talked about her past, not that far back anyway. Sometimes if we went for a coffee we'd swap silly med student stories and stuff. How do you feel in the light of day?'

'I don't know, I've got a headache already'

'Maybe you should take the day off, go talk with Jack. You know you need to'

'Maybe you should take the day off after yesterday'

'I'm not on 'til lunchtime'

'Until?'

'Ten tonight'

'That's Okay.' he said referring to Abby's shift then added 'but I think I'll work I need a few more days to think about everything before I talk to him'

o0o

Carter finally caught up with Jack the morning before he departed for Boston.

'John' Jack said as he joined his son at a cafe.

'Dad'

'I'm glad you agreed to see me. Thank you'

'Don't thank me it was Abby's idea'

Jack nodded 'I'm really sorry, about everything'

'So you said'

'I want to get to know Fleur better, have you any objections?'

'No, she's your daughter but it wouldn't really matter if I did'

'Are you going for forgive me?'

Carter sighed 'It's not that easy, you've betrayed the trust we've built up especially over the past couple of years. It's going to take me some time to work through this'

'My flight, I have to get to the airport' Jack said standing and Carter did the same.

They stood they facing each other and Jack moved and gave Carter a brief hug.

'Take care of yourself and Abby'

'And Fleur?'

Jack paused and said 'Yes and Fleur'

0o0


	25. Chapter 25

****

AN: Thank you for your encouraging reviews. Please don't panic just read the chapter through to the end, before you criticise my storyline, okay, it's not as bad as it first appears, then you can gripe if you still wish too.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 25

Three months later

Abby stood by the window of the bedroom her hairdryer in one hand and a her hairbrush in the other as she took in what Carter was telling her. She thought that they had finished this discussion two months ago but no it came and reared it's ugly head once more.

'No' she retorted to his ludicrous revelation.

'It's for two weeks Abby' he protested

'It's dangerous, you could get hurt or worse die out there. I said it before and I'm saying it again'

'I'll be careful'

'Just because you're careful, doesn't mean that everyone else around you will be'

'I'm going' Carter stated firmly, they both were beginning to shout as the argument escalated.

'Why?'

'I promised Luka'

'That's the only reason?'

'That and wanting to make a difference'

'You've already made a difference there and you make a difference her everyday'

'I'm going Abby, nothing you say is going to make me change my mind'

'I don't understand you sometimes John Carter. First you wrap me up in cotton wool, now you're leaving me when I'm six months pregnant'

'It's a couple of weeks Abby'

'So you keep telling me, and so you said before but it wasn't was it'

'This isn't like last time'

'Oh I don't know, you wouldn't listen to me then, so I'd say it's about the same. Luka either for that matter. I need you to be here with me'

'And I will be I promise. You didn't want me to fuss over you'

'I don't but this is the other extreme'

'Abby I just have to do this. Please understand'

'Well I don't understand John, I don't understand at all' she was crying now. She roughly swiped the tears away with the back of her hand and willed herself to stop crying over him whilst he was still in the room and blaming her raging hormones in the process.

'I've already explained' he said again more gently this time.

'Fine, just go' she told him.

'I will' he said walking out of the room.

'Where are you going now?' she asked

'County I've got a shift' he said turning to face her across the room for a moment before leaving her standing alone in their bedroom.

'I can't believe you're doing this' she whispered into the room as the front door slammed shut and she burst into tears this time not even trying to stop the flow.

o0o

Susan looked up from the computer two days later and saw Carter coming down the corridor, leaving what she was doing she went to speak with him.

'Carter' she said stopping him in his tracks

'Susan' he said chirpily as he felt in a really good mood this morning despite the fact that Abby was still mad with him.

'I need to talk to you' she said pulling him into the suture room which was empty.

'Why in here?' he asked

'Because I don't want the entire hospital hearing what I have to say' she explained in an annoyed tone

'Something tells me I have done something to upset you' he said

'What are you playing at?'

'What are you talking about?'

She gave him an exasperated look before saying 'Abby, Africa, ring any bells'

'Abby's been talking to you right?'

'She's my friend and I'm concerned about her. She told you she doesn't want you to go?'

'Too many times to mention, yes'

'Then why won't you stay?'

'I want to do this, I need to do this for me'

'Do you, what about Abby?'

'This isn't about Abby, this is about me'

'Oh no Carter you're wrong this became about Abby when you became husband and wife'

Carter sighed beginning to get agitated with Susan and where this discussion was leading.

'I need to go and help again, I want to see if it's changed in the past couple of years for the better or not'

'Are you sure that they are your only motives, you know what they're gossiping about at the desk don't you?'

'Who knows what they're gossiping about? It's always something'

Susan sighed 'I'll tell you then..'

'I don't know if I really want to know' Carter interrupted

'Oh but I think I'll tell you anyway. They're talking about the fact that you're going back because you don't know if you made the right decision between Abby and Kem'

'That is ridiculous. I love Abby I always have and I always will'

'Is it. Aren't you even a little bit curious to see what Kem's doing right now?'

'I hope she's happy' he said looking Susan straight in the eye.

'You know Carter you have to be really sure that this is what you really want to do. You know I heard someone say once that to the world you maybe only one person, but to that one person you might be the world. Don't you know you're Abby's world, you and the baby?'

Carter didn't have the opportunity to answer as they were disturbed by knocking on the door followed by the appearance of the second year resident Christine Schultz. 'Sorry to interrupt but I need to use this room'

'Sure' said Carter to her, then to Susan he said 'this discussion is over'

o0o

Abby sat on the bench looking out at the river when she became aware that someone had joined her there she turned her head to see Fleur.

'Hey' Fleur said 'It appears my brother is a stubborn fool'

Abby smiled and said 'You heard about Africa?'

'Mmm, yes well he came and told me himself, but it's all they're talking about at the desk in the ER'

'Until either Carter or myself approach' Abby added

'Word has it that you're mad with him' she said

'Yeah. But I know that's when's he's made up his mind about something, well..... Doesn't make it easier though'

'He asked me to watch out for you'

'He did?'

'Uh huh, don't know what I can do?'

'Listen to me whinge?' suggested Abby 'I know he's going, he won't not go even for me'

o0o

Carter was in the bedroom packing when Abby finally summoned the courage to talk to him once more before he left.

'John?' she said cautiously entering the room.

'Abby' he said carefully.

Abby walked further into the room and sat on the bed.

'I want to say a couple of things before you go' she said

'If you're going to start another argument I don't want to know' he said

'No' she replied quietly sighing as accepting his decision had been hard, unbearable almost, but she had, because she loved him. 'John' she put her hand on his arm to gain his full attention.

He looked at her and said 'I have to get this done Abby'

'Just a minute, please?'

'Okay' he replied pushing his bags out of the way and joining her on the bed.

'You know how I feel about you going and everything?' she said and he nodded waiting for her to continue. 'I don't want it to be like the first time when you left and we were mad with each other'

'No' he agreed

'I want you to be happy and if going will make you happy then you should go. I'll still be here in two weeks...' she stopped unable to continue.

He lifted her chin with his finger and looked deep into her eyes and said 'Thank you' before holding her close.

o0o

Despite her better judgement Abby went to the airport with Luka and Carter. Luka tactfully walked ahead and waited so that they could say goodbye with some degree of privacy.

Abby looked at the floor, anywhere was better that looking Carter in the eye. She was fully aware that today she would not be able to hide the emotions, they were clearly displayed on her face, the tears in her eyes.

Without trying to sound too desperate she said looking up at him 'John, please, please stay?'

'I can't I have to do this. This one last time' he told her rubbing up and down her arms with his hands. Not wanting to meet her gaze, knowing the expression that would be there. He pulled her towards him in a hug, as close as the growing baby would allow before he said 'Nothing's gonna stop me coming home to you both'

He pulled away slightly and bent his head gently brushing his lips with hers and then letting her go.

'I love you' she told him almost inaudibly but loud enough for him to hear and feel like a dagger penetrating his heart.

He slung his backpack over his shoulder and had gone no more than ten paces when he stopped and turned his head round to take one more look at Abby, the expression on her face and the tears in her eyes nearly broke him.

0o0

Some time later Luka and Carter sat side by side in the departure lounge in silence. Carter couldn't get the image of Abby's parting look out of his head. All the reasons he thought important faded into insignificance, when he really thought about what mattered most.

He stood abruptly, startling Luka as he swung his backpack onto his shoulder.

'What are you doing?' Luka asked sitting up straight

'I'm going' Carter replied

'Where?'

'Home'

'What?' asked Luka confused

'Send my apologies, but I'm going home'

'I don't understand Carter'

'I was going for the wrong reasons but now I'm staying for the right one' he explained

'It's your decision' Luka said

'That's right. Take care of yourself Luka. I don't want to have to come and find you again'

'I will' Luka replied

'Have a good trip' Carter said and then he turned and walked away.

o0o

Carter walked briskly into the ER and walked straight up to the desk.

'Shouldn't you be on a plane right now?' asked Frank in his usual manner

'Where's Abby?' Carter asked ignoring Franks' question

'She's not here' supplied Chuny 'What's going on?'

'Why, what's happened?' he said trying not to sound frantic.

'Christine Schultz came in and asked her to swap the night shift for a shift tomorrow instead. Said she had to be somewhere important during the day.' Chuny supplied.

'Abby didn't turn down the offer of not working all night' Susan told him

'So where did Abby go?' Carter asked

'Home I should imagine, she looked awful' Susan said

'Mmm. Well you can blame that on me' Carter told her 'If you're short of attending's I'll come in and work tomorrow okay' he added to them all generally, then turned on his heel and left

'What was that all about?' asked Frank

'Who knows?' shrugged Susan

o0o

Abby carefully stepped into the bath and sank down amongst the bubbles. This was the best thing that she had done all day. She lay back and shut her eyes. She woke suddenly, disorientated for a few seconds, the water now cool and was thinking about getting out when she heard noises coming from downstairs. She wished at that moment that she had at least brought the phone into the room with her.

o0o

Carter had let himself in as quietly as he could but tripped over a box in the hall. He walked around the downstairs looking for Abby but not wanting to call out in case she was sleeping. Then he began to ascend the stairs.

o0o

Abby had gotten out of the bath and put on a robe tying it loosely over her bump. Then she stuck her head out of the en-suite bathroom, when she decided it was safe she crossed the room to locate the phone.

She was just about to dial 911 when the bedroom door opened and there stood John Carter the last person in the world she expected to see.

The phone fell out of her hand and landed on the ground with a thud, bouncing once before it settled on the floor. Abby continued to stare at him and it wasn't until he spoke that she realised that he was real and not just her imagination.

'Abby, I went into work Susan said you'd swapped your shift'

Abby feeling relieved it wasn't a burglar after all was now rather confused as to why he was standing in the doorway.

'Was the flight cancelled?' she asked as it was the only logical explanation she could think of at that exact moment.

'No'

'I don't understand' she told him

'No' he said 'I didn't understand, but now I do. You were right'

Abby still confused walked round the bed and sat down on the side facing him.

'So when are you leaving?' she asked

'I'm not. Luka went alone' Carter said as he stepped into the room.

'So you're not going?' Abby clarified wondering what had changed his mind so unexpectedly.

'No the only place I'll be going tomorrow is County' he walked up to the bed and sat beside her.

'What was I right about?' Abby asked

'About making a difference, you're right I don't have to be in Africa to make a difference. I make a difference here everyday. That and the danger thing I decided I didn't want to put myself in that sort of situation, there's not just me anymore is there?' He took the time to caress her stomach as he spoke then he added. 'But there's something else'

'Is there?' she whispered

'Yeah' he said and traced his index finger down the side of her face before continuing 'Something I overlooked'

'What's that?'

'You. I know I said nothing will stop me from coming home but it wasn't until I was looking at the monitor watching the flight move up the departure board that I realised. I didn't need to go. I didn't want to go. I want to be here with you. I didn't realise how much you love me until that moment. You love me enough to let me go willingly, even though it's the one thing you hoped I'd never do again. I love you Abby and I'm not leaving again to jet off to the other side of the world to play some sort of hero, I promise'

'I can't believe you're saying this' she said still amazed that he was here with her.

'I mean it'

'I know' she told him and opened her arms and he fell into them and he knew that he was where he belonged.

o0o

AN: Well if you managed to read to the end of the chapter I hope that the end was not too mushy. Still a chapter or two to follow some time after the weekend as I have a hectic schedule the next few days and won't be able to even get near a computer.


	26. Chapter 26

AN: Well it's Sunday night and I managed to get near the computer and because tomorrow is my Mum's birthday I thought I'd better update tonight. Thank you if you have taken the time to review, I was glad you liked the previous chapter. There is also another small authors note at the bottom of the page, if you read and want to review the chapter, please answer my question.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 26

Two months later (July 07)

'Mr Healy, you need to take this medication three times daily' said Susan handing her nearly ex-patient his meds. She had just discharged him when she noticed Abby lumbering heavily down the hallway.

'Abby!' she called catching up easily with her.

'Hey' Abby replied

'How are you? You okay?' Susan asked

'Yeah I'm good. I seem to be slowing up though'

'Well take it easy no one's expecting you to stand in trauma for hours or anything'

'Thank you'

'Heard from Carter?' asked Susan

'Uh-huh, he landed a few hours ago'

'You going to behave yourself whilst he's away right?'

'Of course. What with you and Fleur fussing it will be worse than living with Carter' Abby told her then off Susan's hurt expression she added 'only kidding'

'That's okay'

'I do have plans however' said Abby

'Sounds ominous, tell' Susan insisted

'I'm going to decorate the nursery'

'You are going to do it?' asked Susan thinking that Carter would be horrified if he knew.

'No, not exactly. I hired a decorator'

'Good because I was going to say..'

'I know what you were going to say' said Abby cutting in 'And I'm not that dumb. Besides Carter's really panicking now and I don't want to make him any worse. It's a wonder he went to Boston at all'

o0o

Carter sat in the board meeting half listening to a guy drone on about profits and loss. Jack kept giving him sharp looks every time he caught Carter's eye. Carter tried to concentrate on what he was supposed to be listening to but his mind just kept drifting off to think about Abby and the baby, wishing that he was back home instead of here.

'You're not going to stay with me then?' asked Jack later 'I have plenty of room in my apartment'

'I checked into a hotel' Carter replied 'But we need to talk, I mean I need to talk to you whilst I'm here. I don't know when I'll get the chance to come back for a while'

'How's Abby?' asked Jack

'Good, big, bigger than I thought she'd be and still five weeks to D Day'

'She still working?'

'Yes, I'll think she'll work right up to the birth, despite my protests at her slowing down and doing otherwise'

'Boston's' not that far from Chicago, it only takes a few hours to fly home if you have to' Jack said trying to be helpful.

'Yeah, hopefully that won't happen'

o0o

Two days later Jack and Carter met for the talk Carter had been dreading. But Abby was right as usual he admitted grudgingly, he had to talk out with his father his feelings after the incredible revelation in the Spring regarding Fleur. Fleur who had actually, Carter dared to admit become to mean more to him than just a colleague.

Jack broke the silence which was hanging over them like a black storm cloud. 'I spoke with your mother'

'You told her about Fleur?' Carter asked, surprised

'I thought. I know I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and I thought it best to be honest with her even if it is over thirty years too late'

'How did she take it?'

'Better than expected. She asked me to leave, but she called and we talked a couple of weeks later. Things have been strained between us for years, to be honest this doesn't make much difference. John I want to make everything right in all this mess and confusion I caused and that includes making things right with Fleur and with you'

'We can't change our pasts, whatever regrets we have' Carter said thoughtfully.

'You have regrets too?' asked Jack

'Doesn't everyone. I wish I'd spent more time with Gamma. I wish I'd been more vigilant the night Lucy and I were stabbed, I wish.... The list could go on and on'

'Yes I know what you mean. So have you had time to digest everything?'

Carter nodded 'Yeah. It was a shock. I knew when Abby and I sat on the sofa something unexpected was going to happen, but never that' He stopped and took a deep breath and sighed saying 'Sorry I got mad'

'I deserved it' Jack said simply

'But it all happened so long ago. I was so young, I didn't realise anything was happening with you and Mom'

'In retrospect I wish I'd done more for Fleur when her grandmother died. I didn't handle it well. Hell I didn't handle it at all I left it to my parents'

'Did you love her? Julia I mean?' asked Carter needing to know

'Infatuated maybe. But no I didn't love her. Maybe that's why I didn't help or really acknowledge Fleur'

'You knew about her from the beginning?'

Jack nodded 'I even went to visit her once, just before they moved, she was probably only a few weeks old'

'It was an impossible situation' said Carter deciding that if he had been in Jack's position there was no telling what he would have done.

'Are we going to be okay then?' asked Jack

Carter nodded 'It may take a while to get back what we had'

They looked at each other Carter accepting the situation and Jack relieved that he had.

o0o

A few days later Abby led Carter blindfolded up the stairs and towards the nursery.

'Can I take this off now?' he asked

'Can you see through?' she answered

'No but you asked me that already'

'Just checking' she opened the door aware that the room still smelt of new paint and was a bit of a giveaway.

'Have you been painting?' Carter asked

'Not me personally' she said honestly as she took the scarf off his eyes then added 'Well what do you think?'

Ho looked around the room with the bottom half of the wall lemon. The upper half light aqua with a cute sheep border between and matching drapes at the windows.

'I think it's saved me a job. Who did it? Susan? Fleur? You?'

'No, no and no. I got someone in'

'You paid someone?'

'Yes, you mad?' she asked tentatively.

'No'

'You still haven't said if you like it?'

'Yes I like it, when you going to finish it?'

'It is finished'

'I meant furnishings'

'Oh well that's your department'

'Mine?'

'Yeah the stuff stacked next door in the guest room. It just needs assembling'

'I think that I can manage that. Did you miss me?' he asked snaking his arm around what was once her waist and pulling her towards him.

'Uh-huh' she replied

'Missed you too' he said leaning down to show her how much with a kiss, or two.

o0o

A few weeks later one hot July afternoon in the over crowded emergency room.

'What are you doing here?' asked Jerry who had just come on shift.

'Working' said Abby

'Shouldn't you be doing something else?' he added

'Like what?'

'I don't know whatever heavily pregnant women do'

'They work if they are fit and wish to' she snapped getting irritated with him. 'Come on' she added turning to her medical student who was as incompetent and they came. Then with a chart in her hand and the med student at her heels she walked off to exam one.

She was trying to draw out information from her med student regarding the patient they were examining when Abby felt what only could be described as a pop, then a slow trickle of amniotic fluid ran down her legs.

She cursed under her breath.

'Are you alright dear?' asked the elderly patient from the bed.

'Indigestion' Abby replied

The med student by this time had enough about her to know that this was not indigestion and said to Abby 'What should I do?'

'Go to the desk and explain what's happened. I don't really want to walk around like this it will only make more work for housekeeping when they clear up the floor' she added to the puzzled expression on the students face.

The med student left and Abby said to the patient 'Where was I?' before a surprisingly strong contraction hit and she knew than she was further along than she first anticipated.

She grabbed hold of the patients headboard and willed it to pass quickly. If it was the onset of labour it would be over in a matter of seconds. Unfortunately the seconds ticked by and it was obvious that the niggling pains she had been having since lunch a couple of hours ago were the real thing. Abby was glad about one thing at least she was in the hospital. Carter would be panicking now if they were at home. CARTER! Someone was going to have to call him.

It wasn't long before Pratt came hurrying into exam one with the med student trailing behind. He took one look at her assessing the situation.

'We'll find you a bed and I'll examine you' he told Abby

'You are not examining me' she firmly told him and added 'And where are you going to get a bed, we've got patients in the halls. Call OB'

'There's not much point, we've still got the two women in exam two in early labour'

'But they arrived hours ago' exclaimed Abby

'Yeah OB is swamped today just like us. Now I'm going to find you a bed and then..'

'You can find me a bed but you're not examining me' she told him grimacing through another contraction.

'It'll be worth it in the end dear' said the elderly patient

Abby managed to smile at her before giving Pratt a glare.

'Okay I'm going' and he left the med student there looking awkward.

'Why don't you go and see Dr Schultz' suggested Abby, the med student looked at Abby gratefully and hurried away.

Pratt found Abby the only bed available, in the on call room.

'You can't be serious' Abby said as a contraction caused her to hold onto the doorframe for support.

'I don't suppose you would want to lie on a bed in the hall opposite the desk?' he answered.

'That's my only alternative? she asked 'What about trauma?'

'Susan's got a critical in one and we have a GSW three minutes out going into two. So I thought I'd leave you in the capable hands of Dr Schultz'

'She's not an attending'

'You'll have to wait until Susan or I are free. Jerry's trying to get hold of Luka or Jing-Mei'

'What am I supposed to do until then? Hold the baby in?'

'You can't be that far along'

'I think I am' she said groaning

'It's your first baby'

'Not all first babies take hours too arrive, it's not impossible to happen quickly'

'I'll get someone to check you a.s.a.p'

'Ring John' she said

'What?' Pratt said

'Get someone, I don't know Jerry? To ring John' Abby said feeling a wave of panic for the first time since this had started.

'John?' said Pratt not accustomed to calling Carter, John although he knew what his first name was.

'CARTER' she said half shouting.

'Carter, okay where is he?'

'At home, he was going to assemble the cot'

'Cutting it a bit fine' said Pratt slightly amused

'Just get him' said Abby through gritted teeth

'Okay okay I'm going the GSW is probably here anyway' said Pratt leaving Abby standing in the doorway.

There was no way she wanted to lie on the gurney in the on call room right now so she just walked into the room so that she wasn't in the way and used the wall for support.

Susan entered the on call room about twenty or so minutes later holding a gown and followed by Malik wheeling in some necessary medical paraphernalia.

'You need to put this on' she said offering Abby the gown 'Need some help?'

Abby nodded, Malik left and said to Susan 'I'll be next door if you need me'

'Someone call John?' Abby asked Susan

'Jerry, he said Carter would be here as soon as he could'

'Good'

'Okay let's get you on the gurney'

If she hadn't been in so much pain Abby would have thought the situation was farcical.

'I can't believe I'm going to have my baby here' she said becoming emotional all of a sudden and feeling the need to cry, but holding back.

'You're probably not as dilated as you imagine. The contractions get unbearable before you push' said Susan from personal experience on the subject. 'Okay let's see' and she concentrated on the exam.

The door opened quickly and Carter stood there looking anything but the experienced, professional doctor that he normally was. He walked over to Abby and she reached for his hand and held it tightly.

'You're right' said Susan looking up at Abby

'About what?' asked Carter alarmed, he had not imagined that they'd have the baby here. If it had to be in the ER it could at least be in the trauma room.

'Abby's fully dilated'

'Already?' he asked looking from Abby to Susan and back. 'It's not supposed to be this quick'

'You know as well as I do that it can happen' Abby said looking at him and deciding that he was looking particularly anxious at that moment.

'What's happening in trauma?' Carter asked Susan

'GSW in two and unstable patient in one, who has maybe a couple of hours left and we can't move him'

While they were standing there discussing this Abby had another contraction which brought Susan and Carter back to the matter in hand.

'I'm just going to get Malik' said Susan 'Ill be right back'

And she was, just in time to deliver Abby and John Carters first child.

o0o

They had been home a week as Abby nursed the baby in bed, the morning sunlight streaming thorough the windows and Carter beside her still sleeping. What was it with men she thought that they slept through when you wanted some help. However Abby had yet to express any milk so it would be difficult for him to feed their son, who had weighed in at a healthy 7lb 3oz at birth last week. He had probably broken the record for being the first baby to be born the in the on call room. She still couldn't believe that here they were with a healthy baby, a perfect healthy baby, it made her feel emotional just thinking about it. Carter was so proud and it made her smile when she pictured him holding the baby close. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't even realise that Carter had woken up and was studying them both.

'How's my two favourite people this morning?' he asked lazily using one arm to prop his head up and the other to rub the baby's leg.

'Well he's fine, I could do with some sleep however'

Carter grinned and raised himself up and kissed her softly.

'When's he's done, I'll take him and change him then you can get some rest'

o0o

Abby plodded down stairs later that morning after attempting to sleep but not succeeding and having a long shower instead, to find Carter reading his medical journal to Michael, whilst slouching on the sofa.

'Interesting reading for a baby' Abby said

'It's the tone of my voice'

'Drones on and on'

'Hey, it's not that bad' he said and patted the sofa for her to come and join them both.

She sat down and snuggled up to Carter, placing a kiss on their son's head.

'What about me?'

'What?'

'Don't I get a kiss?'

'Here' she said and obliged lingering over the moment.

They sat they for a while marvelling at the little boy, Carter couldn't believe that it had happened that he had become a father with the woman he had only really ever felt at one with. After everything here they were together, a family.

It wasn't long before they both joined their small son in slumber, all three of them, on the sofa, together.

The End

AN: Well this is kind of like the end but I have a little epilogue if anyone's interested. But I suppose I could leave it like this. **So the question is, shall I add the epilogue or not? **Also in case I don't add the epilogue thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed.


	27. Chapter 27

AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and answered my question. It just sort of finished there and I didn't know if it would odd having this tagged on the end or not, but as you'd all like to see more happy Carby I will oblige and add this last piece. My extra long epilogue.

Drawn Uncontrollably To You

Chapter 27

August 2014

Abby sat on the bench watching her family enjoy themselves they were all at the stall in the line waiting to buy ice creams. So much had happened in the last seven years, she would have been the last to imagine that here she would be with Carter and their three children. Three! At one point in her life she had thought it impossible to be a mother at all. She and Carter hadn't planned to have three or two even, they had been happy with one but due to the lack of thought of contraception one night when Michael was only a few months old, they had had another son Elliot one year and one week after him. It had been difficult worse than coping with twins in a way, but worth every minute.

Then three years ago she had found herself pregnant again, again unplanned but not unloved and Molly their daughter was now a little over two and spoilt rotten by everyone including her two big brothers, named after a patient Abby had once treated.

Abby sat there looking at Carter who was probably having as much fun, if not more than the kids. He loved it when they got to get away from everything and spend some time together she thought fondly with a smile on her face.

'What you thinking about?' Carter asked making her jump then adding 'Sorry'

'You, the kids' she replied

'We got these' Elliot said proudly to her 'Want some?' and he held his ice cream out to her and she took a small bit.

'You didn't buy me one then?' she asked looking up at Carter

'I thought you were on a diet' he replied 'Not that you need to be, but still'

'It's a bit unfair don't you think that you're all eating ice creams in front of me'

'I'm sure Molly won't eat all hers, you could finish that' he suggested

'You're too generous' she replied to him as he sat next to her.

'You could have found someplace in the shade' he said as the hot sun bore down on them all.

'They're all taken' she said looking round and he followed her gaze

'Oh yeah' he agreed 'So what's next?'

'You cleaning the kids up after they vomit'

'Ha ha'

'I'm not joking. After all that food you all consumed a sedate ride would be better'

'Oh Mom no' complained Michael wanting to go on one of the exciting rides again.

'We're supposed to be doing this as a family' Abby told him 'and either me or your Dad has to stay behind with Molly while you go on one of the faster rides'

'Not me though' said Elliot who although twelve months younger than his elder brother Michael was the same height. Most people mistook them for twins, for they were alike to look at too, except Elliot was dark like Abby and Michael slightly fairer like Carter.

Carter and Abby looked at each other remembering when they had last come here. Then it had just been the two of them and everything had been simple. No kids fighting over which ride to go on first, in fact no kids fighting at all, which had been great, in a way but they wouldn't be without them for the world. The rough with the smooth made them the close family that they had become.

'No you're Mom's right we have to go on something all together' Carter said to Michael as Abby fished around in the backpack for the wipes and cleaned the kids up.

'I know just the thing' said Abby with a smile.

Everyone just looked at her as she got up and took the empty stroller and started walking off.

'We better catch her up, we don't want Mom getting lost' said Michael seriously.

To which Carter grinned and took Molly's hand and replied 'Let's go then'

They arrived at the front of the ride and stood looking at it, Michael was not particularly impressed.

'I might have known you meant here' Carter said reaching Abby's side then to Michael he said 'If I have to go on this so do you, in fact I had to go on it last time I was here and it was just your Mom and me'

'You two went on it together?' Michael asked amused

'Uh huh' said Carter

'Molly'll like it' Michael finally decided 'We should do it'

He looked up at his Dad who was kissing his mother and not just a peck on the cheek like his friends parents did either. He looked at Elliot and the pair of them rolled their eyes to the sky and back to look at each other again. Not at all surprised by this act of affection between their parents.

'Where's Molly?' Elliot asked Michael suddenly realising he couldn't see her as their parents were otherwise occupied.

Michael looked frantically around before spotting her and replying 'It's okay she's gotten in the stroller'

And the brothers breathed a sign of relief.

'Dad, Mom, Dad are we going to stand in the line?' asked Michael eventually.

'Sure let's go' said Carter scooping Molly out of the stroller and joining the end of the line, before turning to Abby.

'It's been a long time but we've brought the kids back just like I suggested, nine or however many years ago it was' she said softly to him.

'Right here if my memory serves me correctly' he replied hugging her with his spare arm.

'Come on, the lines moving' said Elliot nudging them

'Okay, we're moving' Abby responded

It wasn't long before they got onto the boat and the tune of 'it's a small world' filled their senses. Carter looked at each of his family in turn before meeting Abby's gaze and returned the smile she gave to him. He sighed slightly and knew that he was where he wanted to be, with his family.

AN: Hope that was okay everyone.


End file.
